Mess
by holymfwickee
Summary: Book IV of the Damn Imprinting Series. Nessie has been fighting for ten years to be the architect of her own life. Now, she will finally experience the consequences of those decisions. New characters.
1. Leave, Leave

This is a sequel to _Sasha_, _Revolution_, & _Psycho_, and the fourth story in a five-part series entitled,_ Damn Imprinting_. As I have said before, you may want to read those before you read this or this story won't make any sense.

This story was inspired by those of you who commented on my previous stories saying they hated how Nessie behaved. I believe the words "heartless," "immature," and "tactless" came up. Not that I disagree with any of those comments. However, karma may have a hand in how this story goes.

Takes place a year and three months after the Epilogue of _Psycho_.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_

Disclaimer: I do not own _Leave _or _Say it To Me Now _by Glen Hansard

**Mess**

**Part I—Chapter I: Leave, Leave  
**

"Oh my god, Nessie. It's just a book!"

"It is not just a book, Jacob Black. It's turned into some kind of cult."

"You know, it's not the first time people have gotten caught up in things. _Harry Potter_, _The Da Vinci Code_, any sci-fi series ever. Those things ring a bell?"

"No. I wasn't around for any of those things."

"Ha…I forget that."

I stuck out my tongue at him. We were sitting in the living room of the main house, happily by ourselves for once, passing the time by watching TV. Whenever Jacob and I watched TV we would fight. _Every_ time. Not nasty fighting, just playful bickering, although I usually felt pretty frustrated at the end of it. It was easily fixed with a quick kiss, a hug, and a run outside. We were a much better couple out of doors.

It was late afternoon and my family had gone out hunting. Jacob and I hunted during the day since we both slept at night. Plus, it gave Jacob and me some private bonding time. I was about to suggest putting in a movie, since commercials were getting me too riled up, when I heard the sound of a car pulling in.

"Did you just hear a car pull up?" I didn't wait for Jacob's response because I _knew_ a car had pulled up without anyone's validation. Both of us did. We both had heightened senses so nothing got by us, but sometimes it's just good for communication's sake if you ask. I took a few quick strides to the front door and opened it without a thought as to who would pull into our driveway. Few people knew we were even out here and the ones who did never came to visit. My family laughed hysterically once when I asked my mother why none of her human friends had ever come to visit. I didn't think it was such a ludicrous thing to ask, she had only been a vampire for five years at the time anyway.

I shouldn't have been surprised by the person I saw climbing out of the passenger side of an obvious rental vehicle – for she was the only person I knew who _would_ visit.

"Alina!" I screamed in recognition of my very dearest friend. She had been taking stock of our modern house which did not have a discernable style – it was all Esme. She smiled brightly when she saw me standing at the doorway. It reminded me of the very first time I met her.

"Nessie, hello!" she yelled back to me.

I ran to her and she didn't bother to take a step from the car. Alina was a vampire and her cold skin and flawless appearance made it quite evident, but everything else about the girl left that particular character trait hidden. She moved at the pace of a human and had gotten used to vampires running to her instead of the other way around. Her eyes were still an emerald shade of green which made a painfully beautiful trifecta between that, her raven-colored hair, and her porcelain white skin. It had been a year since I had seen her when I was in Romania for her wedding. I hugged her tightly and accidently released a few happy images of her wedding which had come to front of my consciousness. She giggled as she relived them as well.

"It's so wonderful to see you!" I gushed over her shoulder.

"You too, Nessie," she said back in a gentler and more adult tone then me. She was more of a grown-up then me in many ways – the most significant being she now had a husband. He had climbed out the driver's side and was leaning against the frame of the car.

"Hey there, Ness!"

"Hello," I said less happily to Rye, her husband, as I released Alina from our hug. I didn't dislike Rye, not really, but he had a scent that involuntarily brought out the worst in my personality. It made me ruder then I should have been, especially when I hadn't experienced his scent in a while.

"Now don't you start missy, I'm not taking any flack from you. I'm a guest."

"Yeah, and it's not the first time you've imposed yourself on all of us."

He made his way around the car in an infinitesimal fraction of a second and had me in a hug.

"Oh I missed you too," he said annoyingly in my ear. For all Alina's maturity, Rye behaved like a kid.

"Give me a second to get used to the smell again please. Go bother my aunts. They'd love to see you."

He laughed as he let me go and moved a couple steps toward the house to shake Jacob's hand.

"Hey, there's my best man! How are you doing?"

"Fine. How's married life?"

"Fantastic. You should try it sometime."

"Rye, do not be an instigator," Alina chastised him. Jacob just shook his head and laughed to himself.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked Alina urgently.

She smiled strangely and took a quick breath. "Would you mind if we went inside and sat down?"

"Of course." I nodded. I led the two of them into the living room of the house mimicking the motions Esme would make every time she let in a new guest. There wasn't need to ask if they needed a drink or a snack so things could get right down to business.

"So, tell me what's going on. I haven't heard from you in a while," I said as everyone found a seat. Rye and Alina sat on the sofa while Jake and I sat on the individual armchairs which flanked either end of the couch.

"No, you have not." Alina folded her hands calmly and looked to Rye for some support. I shot a concerned look to Jake, but he looked just as confused as me. "I am afraid we are not here simply to visit. We have some rather difficult news."

"What's going on?" I asked again, this time my inflection was hurried and uneasy.

"Peyton is dead," Alina said in a plain and empty tone. The words took a few seconds to register in my head.

"What?" It was my only stupid reaction.

"He is gone." Peyton McLean was the leader of the Council; the political party which had replaced the Volturi. The political party I had personally put into place.

"How?" I breathed. I was down to single word sentences at the moment.

"He was killed," Alina said gently and I realized the stupidity of my question. Of course he had been killed. Vampires don't die of natural causes. Alina continued when I failed to utter another brainless syllable. "We are not one hundred percent certain who killed him, but we have a good idea."

"What she's trying to say is we know who did it, but we haven't caught them yet," Rye said with less sensitivity. He wasn't on the Council, no need for him to be diplomatic.

"I'm so sorry…how is Tani? How is everyone?"

"Coping as well as possible, he was a very dear friend to all of us and an excellent leader."

"Was this intended to be some type of attack on the Council?" Jacob asked, unemotionally. He was taking this far better than I or he was better skilled at faking it.

"We believe so."

"I thought vampires were in support of the Council," Jacob said as a statement even though it was more like a question.

"Generally yes; however, no governing body can have complete support. There will always be someone who disagrees. Nor are we omniscient or omnipotent," Alina said wisely.

I had an uncomfortable weight gaining mass in my chest. I was concentrating on my breathing when I heard Alina speak directly to me.

"Nessie, the reason we are here is to ask you to come and serve on the Council. Tani has currently taken control of Peyton's seat. The charter states all chairs must be filled at all times."

"Oh…" I said quietly. I was back to one syllable responses.

"Why Nessie?" Jacob asked with some force.

"It was voted unanimously to ask her to take up the vacant chair."

"Ask?"

"Well, being a non-active member does require some obligations, but if she does not wish to serve, we are not a point where we must force her."

"And when will you be at that point?"

"Jacob..." I said gently to quiet his arguing. I was still trying to grasp the situation. I said my next sentence slowly. "So basically, I'm being called into active duty."

Alina couldn't help smirking at the analogy. She had spent most of her life serving in an army.

"Essentially. You will have the same responsibilities and privileges as the rest of us."

"For how long?"

"It is undetermined at this time."

"So what, forever?"

"No, Nessie. Certainly until Peyton's death has been sorted out. Then if you do not wish to serve someone else may be found to take your place. But should you decide you would like to remain an active member we would all be grateful. The fact is we do need you now."

"You just said you weren't going to force her!"

"Jacob, stop!" I said without any gentleness. He was just making an attempt to protect me. It was always his first response. "Can I think about this?"

"Yes, I suppose. However, Rye and I must leave tomorrow morning."

"So this was purely a business trip," I said solemnly. Alina took my warm hand in her perfect cool one.

"I am very glad to see you," she said simply.


	2. You've Already Gone

**Chapter II: You've Already Gone  
**

I was standing by the river in our backyard after pacing alongside it for last hour or so. I had left the house in order to get a few moments to think for myself. When my parents and other members of my family had arrived home and heard the news of Peyton's death the reacted sensitively. However, when they heard I was being called up to take up a seat on the Council, after one of its members had been murdered, they were less than enthusiastic. I couldn't stand to be guilted by any of them at the moment, especially with this heavy weight pushing down on my chest.

I had been standing there a while with my arms pulled tightly against my body. My hands kept running up to my shoulders as if I were warming them, but I wasn't the least bit cold. I heard the crunching of the grass from someone walking behind me. I didn't need to turn to see who it was because I recognized the sound of the footsteps easily. Two perfectly tanned hands only a little warmer than me covered my anxious hands.

"Ness, are you okay?"

"Not really."

He stepped forward so his arms wrapped around my shoulders and my back pressed against his chest. The warmth was so comforting.

"I'm sorry you lost your friend," he whispered in my ear. His warm breath made gave me a chill – a counterintuitive response. I didn't speak. "It's not your fault." Jacob was the first person to pick up on my guilt which was currently manifesting itself in my chest. Jasper had probably picked up on it as well. The two of them had almost certainly been discussing it while I stood out here.

"I gave him the position. I made him take my place because I didn't want it."

"You were only seven years old, no one expected you to keep that kind of responsibility. Peyton was an exceptional leader. He wanted the position."

"He's dead."

"You can't protect everyone."

I pulled myself out of Jacob's embrace – too angry to accept his comfort.

"I don't want to protect _everyone_! I want to protect my friends! It's my friends who keep getting hurt because of me. They are the ones who die." Sasha…Ántonia…now Peyton…Alina could be included in that list as well. To some extent they had all been lost.

"I'm not going to let you feel guilty about this."

"That is not something you control, Jake."

"Fine…" Jacob said, relenting from the argument momentarily. He ran a hand through his hair.

"What are they saying in there?" I spat.

"We don't think you should go."

"I see." I expected as much. I turned away from Jacob and took a few steps toward the bank of the river. I kneeled down and let my hand absent-mindedly glide over the surface of the water. I noticed Jacob hadn't moved from where he was standing.

"You're going to go," he said without emotion, although his heart must have been aching.

"Jake, I haven't decided anything," I said back to him with some residual irritation in my voice.

"You haven't said no…if you need to spend any time thinking this over…you're going to go."

I stood up and shook the water from my hand.

"What am I supposed to do here?"

"There are plenty of other non-active members who could do this."

"I'm a Cullen! Vampire, werewolf, whatever…they respect the Cullens."

"Yeah, Cullens – plural. You're only _one_ Cullen."

Whoa, déjà vu. Only I was saying what he was saying.

"There are people there to guard us."

"Um, don't make me point out the obvious." The obvious being they hadn't been able to protect Peyton. I was glad Jacob hadn't said anything like that. It would have only furthered my guilt. "You feel guilty. I understand that."

"I have a responsibility to them."

"Nessie…you can't go."

"Are you forbidding it?"

"Don't do that. This has nothing to do with limiting your independence."

"If you're making decisions for me then that's limiting me."

"I can't go with you!" Jacob said loudly in one quick breath. The conversation came to an abrupt halt. I was verbally stunned. I hadn't ever expected him to say that. Jacob had been inseparable from me for the last three years. He had wanted it that way. I had wanted it that way.

"What?"

"My dad isn't in the best health. My sisters are married with their own kids and they're not here to take care of him. My pack needs me. I'm needed here." Initially it had been my mother's family which had kept the Cullens in Forks. She wanted to spend as much time with Charlie as she could before he was gone. There was a substantial amount more which kept Jacob in La Push. His home, his family, his pack, his tribe. He had been planning an entire future for the two of us here. Once my family's ties to Forks were gone, could Jacob have been able to follow us where we wanted to go? Probably not.

The air was tense and I fidgeted uncharacteristically. I don't know what Jacob had expected me to say. The silence wasn't very reassuring in any case.

"You're going to go," he said in a whisper.


	3. And Free Yourself at the Same Time

**Chapter III: And Free Yourself At the Same Time  
**

I had relocated my pondering from the backyard to my bedroom. It was very late – after two a.m., but I didn't want to sleep. I was sitting on my bed staring out the small window which I had propped open in some kind of symbolic invitation. Jacob didn't come however.

I heard a gentle tapping against my bedroom door. My angelic mother opened it, stood in the threshold, and spoke to me softly. Her golden eyes were tense and worried.

"Renesmee? How are you doing?"

"Not great," I said sarcastically. I was crabby at two a.m.

"I know you're an adult by most capacities, but your father and I would really like to discuss this with you."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"You've decided then?" my mother asked bravely. I knew which side of the fence she stood on.

"No. But I know the pros and the cons. I understand every side of the argument. I don't need to discuss anything."

She moved forward from the door and sat next to me on the bed. She looked like she should have been my best friend as opposed to my mother. I had always believed she was prettier than me and she would be for all eternity. However, she had never had that thought in her life and I didn't think she ever would. So even if she was prettier, she was very unaware of it.

"Alright. Just out of curiosity, what are the pros?" she asked with genuine interest. I turned to face her and some new enthusiasm entered my voice.

"Oh mom, just think of it. I know I declined to be an active member three years ago, but things are different now. I've had more experiences. I understand how the court works. I could travel. I could meet new people. Most importantly, I can make a difference."

"That does sound exciting." My mother had gotten so much better at lying.

"I want the responsibility. I want to help. I want to protect this system that I put into place. I think I could be good at it."

"You could succeed at anything you do, sweetheart." Said like a true parent. She continued by asking about the cons. "What is keeping you from deciding then?" I lowered by head and ran my fingers over the seams of the comforter on my bed. My enthusiasm faded and my voice did as well.

"Jacob's not going to come with me."

"He's not?" my mother said immediately and almost laughed when she said it. She was probably thinking Jacob had said it as a ploy to get me to stay. She didn't see the serious nature of his tone or the resolve his eyes.

"No. He told me. He needs to take care of Billy and his pack needs him."

"Yes, I suppose they do."

"I can't do this to Jacob. How can I leave him?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

"Could you ever leave dad?"

"I did once," my mother said solemnly. She lowered her head and traced the seams alongside me.

"What? When?"

"Not long after I first met him. There was a skirmish with some vampires while we were playing baseball of all things, and one was a tracker and came after me. He tricked me into thinking he had my mother and I went to confront him – without Alice or Jasper or anyone. I went completely certain that I was going to die. I had to protect my mother. I had to protect your father."

"So, you did leave the man you loved for a noble cause."

"Now, I'm not sure I would have to ability to do again. Does that make me weak? Does that make me strong?"

"I'm not sure what it means," I said honestly. It shouldn't have been this difficult to determine what strength meant in our world.

"I don't regret it though. I trusted my heart. You must listen to yours as well."

My mother took my hand and gave me a sad smile. I lowered my head to stare at her cool hand. I felt the ridges of a crescent shaped scar. There was only one thing which left a scar like that. I was thankful for her wise and encouraging advice although I didn't feel like the situation was much clearer. The thing is, I always felt like my heart was telling me two different things.


	4. I Can't Wait Forever

**Chapter IV: I Can't Wait Forever  
**

The sun was just beginning to peek above the mountains when I pulled into the Black's driveway. I shouldn't have been driving given I hadn't slept at all, but sleep was my last concern at the moment. I hadn't actually informed my family of my decision yet. Perhaps this was cruel. They really hated being in the dark about things; especially Alice and my father. I had to tell Jacob first.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of my rearview mirror and I truly saw the consequences of an un-slept night. My hair looked flat and a little greasy, there was a significant darkness under both of my eyes, and my clothes were wrinkled. No vampire perfection for me. I regretted not taking a shower, but I got out of the car nonetheless.

I knocked on the door lightly – hopefully lightly enough that Billy wouldn't be woken up, but hard enough so Jacob could hear. I wondered if he had slept at all and a small part of me hoped he hadn't. I was still a little angry he never showed up at my window last night. A few seconds after I knocked a sleepy looking Jacob opened the door and walked immediately out onto the porch. Not even going to invite me in, huh? Fine, then.

"Hey, Ness."

"How are you?" I expected him to be angry. Perhaps his lack of sleep had quelled his anger.

"I don't know. How are you?"

"I don't know either. I didn't sleep."

"You look like you didn't sleep."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. I was quite often sarcastic with Jacob. He usually liked it. Today he didn't smile. "Jacob, look. I understand that Billy needs you and your pack needs you. The Council needs me. I'm ready to help them. I'm ready to be a part of it all. And that's largely because of you. You give me so much strength, Jake. You make me certain of things I didn't think possible for myself." I was happy with my speech. I even thought I had said a few things which might make Jake happy.

"You're welcome?" he said sarcastically and with a questioning tone. No fair. He wasn't allowed to be sarcastic if I couldn't be.

"I'm being serious."

Jacob said nothing and took a few paces away from the house and down the driveway. I followed behind him.

"Jacob, tell me what you're thinking. Are you disappointed? Are you mad?"

"I'm…something like that."

Break-downs in communication were usually my doing. I was being upfront with him, I begged him to be upfront with me.

"Talk to me. Please."

He turned to face me again and I stopped in my tracks.

"Ness, why are you doing this to me? You promised."

I had been asking that of myself all night. How _could_ I do this to him? How could I break my promise? A little over a year ago I had vowed to no longer try to "break us up." I had never done it deliberately and I wasn't trying to do that now. It just kept happening to us. Why was that?

"I'm not trying to split us up."

"Then why are you leaving?"

"I need to do this."

"Because you feel guilty."

"No. Partially maybe, but not entirely. You know me well enough to know why I would want to go."

"Oh I know you pretty well now. I was just in denial about it."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I was confused. For all my connections to Jacob, there were several times I understood him least of anyone I knew.

"This is what you do, Ness! When things here are too boring you leave for some kind of thrill. And I just sit here, going crazy with worry waiting for you."

"Peyton is dead, Jacob! I didn't plan for that to happen!"

"I know that Peyton's death was not planned. But death happens, it happens all the time. And at some point, you have to make a choice what kind of life you want to live for. This is just going to happen over and over again isn't it? I'm never going to be enough for you."

Wait, wait, wait. Is this what were arguing about? Jacob wasn't _enough_ for me? I wasn't even in the right conversation.

"Jacob…it's not like that…" I sputtered.

"You're right. This is about _you_, not me."

"Try to understand…"

"I have tried. I've tried, and tried, and tried. I've done everything I can think of. No, Nessie. I don't think _you_ understand. If you go, don't come back."

"What?" Did I hear that correctly? My highly developed senses couldn't have been mistaken. Regardless, the words did not make sense to me. My next sentence reflected my confusion. "Are you…cuh…I…can't believe I'm saying this. You're not, breaking up with me? Are you?" My words didn't make sense to me either, although they should have. I knew I never deserved the devotion Jacob had doted on me for the past eleven years. Given that logic, this situation should have been familiar to me. Yet, it wasn't. It felt foreign and wrong and unreal.

I waited for Jacob to counter my question. He put his hands in his pockets, kicked a piece of gravel and looked towards the mountains.

"Oh my god. You…but you can't! How? You… you can't do this!" I argued naively. I wanted to simultaneously punch him for causing this kind of hurt and kiss him in an effort to take back his words. However, I was frozen in my spot.

"You don't want a relationship with me. You've made that clear."

"We've been together the last three years!"  
"And in that time you've chosen other things before me time and time again."

"That is not true." _Was it?_ I said the words without really considering their validity.

"I have been offering you a life with me for years, Ness! You have never wanted it. Maybe we should take that for what it is."

"Jake…" I didn't know how to continue the sentence. Jacob just kept speaking quickly and articulately. I didn't understand how he did it. Unless, he had been thinking about this all night.

"I should be fair though. You've always chosen grander, more noble causes – nothing selfish. And now, you're choosing something important again. Something to be proud of."

"But what about…"

"The imprint?"

"Yeah…"

"It's different this time."

"How?"

Jacob sighed and walked towards me. He towered over me. I searched his eyes looking for some kind of regret or indecision. I didn't find it.

"I do what you need Nessie. One thing you don't need is a reason to stay." He continued walking back into the house. He didn't even glance back. I was breathing heavily and was unsure why. Was it grief? Was it anger? I felt…nothing. What does that mean? Shock? I was in shock? I was suddenly thankful for the numbness of the shock. It was the only thing that allowed me to get back into my car and drive away.

* * *

End of Part I


	5. If You Don't Mind

**Part II—Chapter I: If You Don't Mind  
**

I don't know why I agreed to take this room. It was probably a bad decision made while I was under a great deal of sleep deprivation and jetlag. I had been in Romania a little over a week and I had been given the room I had originally stayed in my very first visit to the castle. Staying in this room should have given me nightmares. This is where I saw my friend Alina tortured for three days as she transformed into a vampire. This is where I stayed when both my friends Ántonia and Sasha were alive. However, my dreams were devoid of any memories associated with this space. My dreams settled on one person and one person only.

The sun had been up for a few hours, but I hadn't gotten out of my bed yet. I just laid there and watched the light reflect off the mirrored mobile near the window. Its effects were mesmerizing and it felt good to not think of anything, as best as I was able.

I heard a knock against my door and turned by body to face it.

"Nessie? Are you awake?" Jane's voice floated through the door.

"Yes," I answered back.

"The Council is about to convene."

"Thank-you," I said and finally pulled myself out of bed. I dressed quickly and walked into what was formally Ántonia's study. I was the last to arrive, unsurprisingly; everyone aside from Marthe and Kwame didn't need to sleep. Natalie and Cristian were sitting on one side of the room on opposite ends of a sofa. Kwame had himself arranged on the floor. Alina was sitting in a chair closest to Tani who was standing, but also leaning against the large desk. I knew it had been a very long time since Ántonia stood at the desk, but it still felt wrong to have anyone apart from her standing there.

"Good-morning," Marthe said to me happily.

I took a seat next to her.

"Good-morning, good-morning everyone." Everyone nodded politely in my direction, that is, except for Natalie. She just crossed her legs and ignored my arrival. How they had convinced her to vote for my induction into the group was beyond me.

This was our first formal meeting since my arrival. The week had been spent getting myself situated and up to speed on allegiances and allies to the Council. I hadn't yet learned much of what had happened to Peyton. I figured this was to be a meeting for my benefit.

"Nessie, we are all so pleased you have decided to find your place here. I understand the situation is strained and you've made some sacrifices, but the work we do is important. It is worth the sacrifice, I promise you." Tani had always been a strange creature the entire time I had known her. The tragedies which had plagued her since becoming a vampire permeated her warm and kind spirit. I wished I could have known her before she experienced so much loss. Her spirit did appear further dampened, presumably at the loss of Peyton, but she was still as determinedly optimistic as ever.

"I understand. I'm pleased I can be here as well. I want to help."

"Good. Now, one of the critical things we must address at the moment is the mystery surrounding Peyton's death. You have not been informed of this situation?"

"Not really."

"Nessie, three years ago when you very bravely went to confront the Volturi, most of them were destroyed. However, not all of them. Just like Jane and her brothers were on an assignment for Aro, a few others were as well." Some of my memories of that fateful day were fuzzy because in addition to almost being torn apart by Volturi I was heavily drugged by an airborne toxin invented by the Gypsies. It had since been destroyed. All the members of the Volturi I was aware of had been in that room the day they were the killed, so any stragglers would be strangers to me.

"How many?"

"Three. Two males and a female. We believe the males names are Matthew and Noah. The female is Sarah."

Such non-threatening names. Biblical even.

"We believe they are young vampires. All changed within the last ten years."

Vampires that are my age. Didn't come across that very often.

"And that's the extent of our knowledge of them," Crisitan cut in, in his usual pessimistic and exasperated tone. He hated hearing any kind of information more than once.

"Why is that?"

"There is no information in the Volturi's archives about them. Peyton may have known something more. They're existence was kept very secretive and they spent very little time in Volturra."

"They're the ones who killed him?"

"We believe so."

"So, what happened exactly?" I felt uncomfortable asking this question as everyone in the room was still coping with the loss. I had to know the answer though.

"Peyton had been acting out of character about four weeks ago. He was leaving the castle often and wasn't telling us where he was going. At first we feared he had turned to feeding on humans, but his eyes remained as golden as ever. Then we worried he was meeting with someone dangerous, but he assured us he would be safe every time he left. We trusted him. When he had been gone for three days and did not return for a meeting, we started a search for him."

"He was missing and you didn't go look for him for three days?"

"We work differently than your coven, Nessie."

I regretted my accusation. It had been unfair. My family would have sent out a search party three hours after someone had gone missing. But this group of people wasn't necessarily a family. Yes, they protected each other and some of them loved each other, but no one was connected by blood or relation of any sort. Plus, these were vampires we were talking about here. There is so little that can hurt a vampire in the first place. It would have been hard to believe any of them could be in real danger.

"We found remnants of his scent and evidence of a fire."

"So, how did you come up with Matthew, Noah, and Sarah?"

Tani gave Alina a look of desperation. For some reason this question was the most difficult for her to answer.

"Demetri. When he arrived at the scene the names popped out of his mouth like a reflex. We believe the scents combined with the desire to find the culprits may have triggered his ability."

"Does he understand what happened?"

"No, not really. The four of them are all on edge now. They are confused and even distressed. They know there are things they do not know."

I finally understood the unanimous decision.

"You want me to bring their memories back."

"We're not certain what we want, Nessie. The four of them may hold the only knowledge of the three remaining Volturi members. We did want the option."

"I see." I felt like a tool – literally, like a piece of machinery or a prop. They didn't care about my mind or my opinion, they just cared about the ability I had. They were doing something no better than the Volturi.

"Nessie, please try to understand."

"I understand enough. If you'll excuse me," I said calmly as I quickly exited the room. I don't know how they expected me to take this news. At the moment I felt stupid and annoyed and completely irritated I had come all this way just to be used. I went back to my room and slammed the door in anger. The mobile rattled with the force and fell to the floor making a beautiful and poetic crashing sound. Several of the mirrors were now shattered or cracked. I slid down the door until I hit the floor.


	6. This Mystery Only Leads to Doubt

Bella's POV

**Chapter II: This Mystery Only Leads To Doubt  
**

Things were quiet in the Cullen household. It felt like the life had been sucked out of the place. This was the fourth time in four years our daughter had left us with no prospect of when she might be returning. It was also the fourth time she had left and put herself in a dangerous situation. And it was the fourth time we had not gone with her to protect her. It went against everything our family stood for. Our desire to protect one another was usually impossible to ignore and the thought of losing one another was our only real fear. Yet some undeniable streak of independence had been built into our daughter's personality. Perhaps it had been our fault in the first place. We did spoil her and shelter her the entire time she was growing up. She grew up too fast for us to behave in any other way.

Edward told me repeatedly not to blame myself, although I'm certain he was feeling the same way I was. It was difficult for us to deal with the separation; however, there should have been one person whom it should have been impossible to deal with.

Since Nessie had told me Jacob was not going to join her in Romania it had been worrying me – mostly because it didn't make sense. They had been inseparable since they got together; that is, when they weren't fighting. But that was natural, right?

In an attempt to distract myself from missing Nessie and to try and figure out what had happened between them, I took my car and drove to La Push. It was hard to believe there was a time I thought I would never see this place again.

When I pulled into the Black's residence I saw Jacob in the driveway tinkering with some car. Living with the Cullens hadn't increased my interest in cars whatsoever and I was pleased when Nessie inherited this from me as well.

It was very sunny out, but cool, so it didn't look unusual that I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. (Not that I really needed to disguise the sparkling. Everyone in La Push knew what I was). Jacob was actually the one who was dressed inappropriately for the weather. He had on a tank top and a pair of ripped up jean shorts with no shoes. This had been his uniform for the past few years. He smiled at me as I stepped out of the car; probably pleased it was just me and not Edward. I didn't expect to see such a put-together Jacob. When Nessie had left home the first time he was distraught and inconsolable. He couldn't phase, he didn't eat, and he didn't sleep. Basically, he was me when Edward left. However, he appeared calm and collected and genuinely happy to see me.

"Bells! Hey!"

His voice was even happy. What kind of _Twilight Zone_ was I in?

"Hey, Jacob."

He pulled me into a hug and wrinkled his nose at me in jest. I knew he was quite used to the smell by now.

"What's going on?"

"I'm here to visit you."

"Really? Wow, when was the last time you did that? Come to think of it, when was the last time it was just the two of us?"

"Um…I think it may have been before I was married. Was it when Victoria was after me?"

"Oh yeah…you're right. And I tricked…you know, let's not talk about it." He laughed and I laughed with him. Although he was very much Nessie's now, in a strange way we had still managed to stay best friends. He mentioned to me from time to time, usually when Nessie was out of earshot, that I would have to be the best man at his wedding. "So, what brings you out here?" he asked while returning to his tinkering.

"Well, I wanted to know how you were doing."

"I'm doing okay."

"That's…good," I said dumbly. I didn't understand. None of us would have labeled ourselves as "okay" at the moment.

"How are you?"

"Not great. We are all really missing her." I was afraid to bring her up, but I had to understand what was going on. Jacob had his back to me and I wondered if that was done purposefully. "Jacob, why aren't you with her?"

"I told her. Billy needs my help and so does the pack," he said in a monotone way like he was reciting it. There was an obvious sign there was a little more to this then he was letting on.

"I know that. I also know all of us would have gone with Renesmee had she wished it. She wanted you to go with her. I don't understand how you can stand to let her go."

"I didn't want to let her go, Bella." He stopped fidgeting with his tools and turned around. He leaned against the car and threw some blackened car part between his hands. "I told her this."

"You could still go. She'd be happy to see you. We'd all feel better knowing you were there."

"I think it'd be inappropriate to go chase her down when we're broken up."

"WHAT?" I said so loudly it made Jacob jump.

"Yeah, she didn't tell you guys?"

"No! She just left to go see you. She came back forty minutes later saying she had to go and you were okay with it. Then she got in the car with Rye and Alina and that was the end of it."

"Oh..."

"What do you mean, you broke up?"

"It's just like it sounds Bella."

"Did she break up with you?"

"No."

"You?"

Jacob nodded and I took a breather from the conversation. If I was confused before I was really confused now.

"I have to say, I was wondering why Edward or Rosalie or you for that matter hadn't run down here and sworn to kill me. That explains a lot."

He was _joking_? I couldn't decide how I felt about this situation. I was angry at him for hurting my daughter and I was hurt that my daughter hadn't told me. Finally, I felt distressed I wasn't with her to console her at a time like this. One thing for certain, his joking wasn't helping his case much.

"Jacob, why did you…_how_ could you? I don't understand…"

"Of course you don't. I mean, could you ever break up with Edward?"

"That's just it. I couldn't. I_ know_ I couldn't. Isn't that how it is for you?"

"Not this time."

"Why? When Nessie left four years ago you were distraught. Why don't you feel that way now? Has the imprinting changed?"

"No…not really."

"Why?" I asked for the third time now.

"She doesn't want this life Bella. She's never wanted it, not completely and not the same way I do. I knew and still I expected things to be different. Definition of a crazy person, right?" Maybe humor was his coping mechanism at this point.

"But you imprinted on her…"

"To imprint doesn't mean to love, Bella. Yeah, we've all come to believe that's how it works because, hell, it makes it sound less creepy. But imprinting is primal, it's absolute, it's instinctual. Maybe fate is tied into it…god…I don't even know anymore. What I do know, is the imprinting is animalistic, and it's because we're human emotions get involved at all."

"But you're in love with her."

"I know…She _doesn't_ want this and she doesn't want me to force her to want it…so I'm responding by doing what she needs of me – to let her go. That's why I'm less depressed this time around. Or maybe it's just because I've been through it before…I don't really know."

"Fine…even if that's true, you're still in love with her. I know that, I can see it. And neither of you can be complete without the other."

"Yeah, maybe…the fact is, I'm too angry with her to want to see her."

So that was it, he was angry. Even when Edward left me I was never angry with him. If I were to witness any other girl react the same way I had I would have thought she was a spineless pushover with no self-worth whatsoever. I would have wanted her to be angry because he was the one who left, he deserved the anger. The way Jacob was reacting was a thousand times healthier than I would have taken it. He was angry, and he had other people in his life that depended on him. He didn't have the luxury of falling apart. Jacob had grown into such an amazing person.

"Jacob, this is all my fault. I told her to hold off on getting married."

"None of this is anyone's fault. Nessie has been making her own decisions for a long time."

"I never thought she would make decisions that would hurt the ones who love her. We taught her the wrong things, we spoiled her."

"Nothing is wrong with Nessie. Imprinting is just messy."

I never thought there could be a relationship more complicated than Edward's and mine. I felt incredibly guilty about Jacob's connection to all of us. If only he could separate himself somehow. He could be happier. Then again, maybe he had.

"Jake, is there anything I can do?"

"I wouldn't mind some company for a while."

I nodded and walked up to the car engine and looked it over as if I understood anything I was looking at.

"So, what's up with this car here?"

"I can't believe the Cullens even let you near their cars."


	7. But I'm Glad that You've Come

**Chapter III: But I'm Glad That You've Come  
**

I sat there for a long time, ignoring the shattered pieces of glass scattered across the blonde wood floor. I couldn't help but to see the irony in that destroyed mobile. I too felt broken and completely useless. Nothing was turning out like I had planned. It wasn't until I remembered it had to have been Sasha who had made that precious mirrored mobile that something involuntarily snapped inside me. Sasha had made every piece of art and sculpture in the place. I crawled on my knees over to the pieces while tears welled up in my eyes. The salty tears drew wet lines down my face as I picked up the broken pieces trying to think of a way to put them back together. There were far too many and quickly lost my patience and threw them against the wall while a combination of a scream and a sob erupted from my chest. I was sitting in the glass now, I could have even clenched the pieces in my fist, but it wouldn't have hurt me. No physical pain could hurt like I was right now.

My turmoil was interrupted by a knock on the door. A very urgent voice called from behind it.

"Nessie! Nessie! Can I come in?"

It was Alina. I didn't really want to see anyone. I just wanted to leave. I thought about taking a leap through the window, but Alina barged into the room before I could properly decide.

"Nessie…I am so sorry. I did not mean for the meeting to go like that."

"Why did you do it?" I sobbed at her. I wiped my tears away quickly.

"Yes, your power was a part in my argument to ask you join. It may have even been the only thing which convinced a couple people, but it was not the only reason. It was not even the most important." Alina kneeled down beside me, not caring about the pieces of broken glass. They just crunched under her like pieces of cereal. "We want you here because you are wise beyond your years. You have experience dealing with vampires and any kind of supernatural creature. You know practically every supernatural creature in existence and they all respect you greatly."

"What happens after I release their memories? I just go home and you call me up the next time you need me?"

"We do not even know for certain if we want to release their memories. That could be very dangerous."

"Of course it would be! Don't you think it would be cruel as well? They've finally escaped that life and you want to force it back on them?"

"I know, I know," she said trying to calm me. "That is another reason we need you. Some of the members are not as sensitive as you are. They do not see all the possible consequences."

My breathing was under control now although the redness had not faded entirely yet. I knew because there were mirrors everywhere.

"What happened to this?" she asked quietly and gestured to the 10,000 years of bad luck on the floor.

"It fell when I slammed the door."

"Perhaps Alec will be interested in trying to fix it. He has really taken to the arts."

I took a deep breath and let some anxiety release from my body. "I'm sorry I freaked out…this week wasn't what I expected."

"Nessie, why is Jacob not here?" Alina asked bluntly. She guessed the reason of my distress perfectly. I was surprised she had waited as long as she did to ask. As my best friend she was naturally nosy, and genuinely concerned.

"We broke up." The words sputtered from my mouth in an attempt to get them out as quickly as possible. It was the first time I said the words out loud. I hadn't even told my mother before I left and I wished I had. I'd never wanted my mother so much in my whole life.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Nessie. I did not know. But…why?"

"His father needs him around as does his pack. I decided that I was needed here…well, I thought I was needed."

"You are, let me assure you." She took my hand and pulled me out of the shards of glass. They fell from my clothes and made high-pitched tinkling sounds as they hit the floor.

We sat together on my bed which had magically been made – most likely by Jane. I would have to tell her to stop doing that, I liked my bed messy. Alina continued to hold my hand and asked me gently,

"What happened?"

"He says I've been choosing other things before him over and over again for the past three years. He doesn't want to wait for me anymore."

"That does not sound like Jacob."

"You're right. It sounds like something I would do."

"Nessie, I was not thinking…"

"It's okay. It's the truth." I had to be nearly the worst girlfriend in the world. I had a boyfriend who worshipped me, who would do anything I asked of him, and I threw back all his gestures, all the plans, right in his face.

"I just do not understand how he could do it."

"That's exactly what I expected everyone to say, because you can't understand it can you? You and Rye would never break apart voluntarily. My parents would pull a _Romeo and Juliet_ before they'd separate, same with my aunts and uncles. Yet Jacob and I do it all the time. We fight more than anyone I know and we're not even fighting for each other."

"You and Jacob are so young. There is no reason to put so much pressure on yourselves. What about the imprinting? He cannot ignore that," she said encouragingly.

"I don't think he is ignoring it. I think…I'm afraid, he's reacting to it the right way."

"What do you mean?"

"I told him I wanted to leave and that's what I truly wanted. He let me go," I whispered those final three words. Jacob reacted violently the first time I left because I left things unclear and chaotic. I had no idea what I wanted out of my life. Things were clearer now, more logical. His feelings were far more in line. I supposed it was better this way. No part of me wanted him to suffer.

"I cannot believe this is the end of it."

"I don't want to believe it either."

"You are so much stronger than I understood. It amazes me."

"What are you talking about?"

"The two of you are much stronger than the rest of us. We cannot survive without our mates. You can. You can stand to make the sacrifice."

"Doesn't that just mean I don't love Jacob enough? That we're not meant to be together?"

"The only hand fate has dealt is his imprint on you. There is a reason for it."

Fate. If fate was what had broken me and Jacob up, I despised fate.

"I really think he's given up on us." How could I blame him? I'd never given him any reason to trust me. I'd never given him a reason to fight for me. Hadn't I been saying for the last four years how very unfair it was Jacob loved me? If I believed these things so adamantly, then why did my chest ache when I thought of him now? Why was he in my every thought, my every dream? Why was I crying?

"You can go home if you wish. You are not being held hostage here."

I felt as torn as ever. I knew my mother and I never determined the definition of strength, but returning did not feel like it. Being away from Jacob did not feel like strength either. Alina had found some kind of strength in my sacrifice, even if I didn't agree; I decided she was probably wiser than me.

"I'll stick to my commitment. I want to."

"Shall we return to the meeting?"

"Can you just tell me what's going on? I don't really want to go back out there yet."

"I am afraid that is not really how it works. We all have to be on the same page. Do not worry. Just think like yourself, be yourself. Say what you want to say. We trust you."


	8. Now that it's Out

Bella's POV

**Chapter IV: Now That It's Out  
**

I had a very nice afternoon with Jacob. He had lifted my spirits greatly, just like he had been able to years ago. I had already decided I would visit him again later in the week, tomorrow even. Just in case Jacob was more upset then he led on, I felt responsible for keeping him sane. He'd done the same for me. I couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt involved with my increased mood. Jacob had been given the short end of the stick time and time again since I came into his life. Of course he had Nessie now, or he should have had her, but even that was filled with constant difficulties.

I was going back and forth between feeling empathy for my daughter and being angry with her. I was certain she must have been hurting after Jacob ended things, but at the same time she had brought on a great deal of it herself. I didn't like that my daughter treated people this way. Then again, how could I blame her? She was wise and confident and possessed so much strength. It would be selfish to keep her all to ourselves when she had so much to give. Perhaps Edward would have a better handle on this than I did.

He was waiting for me on the porch when I pulled in – anxious, no doubt. I hadn't planned on being gone that long and Alice wouldn't have been able to tell what was going on. Even as a vampire and eleven years of marriage he wasn't much less protective. As I turned off the ignition he was at my door opening it up like a gentleman. The moment I stood up from the car he took me in his arms very much unlike a gentleman.

"Did you miss me?" I teased.

"You're not allowed to do that."

"What?"

"Leave the house."

"You are absurd. The amount of separation anxiety you experience is unbelievable. You should think about getting a hobby."

"Did you miss me?" he asked, ignoring my jabs at his character.

"Of course," I said as he leaned forward to kiss me. I allowed him and even relished in it for a few moments, but I had some important things to discuss first. I spoke up when he paused to kiss my neck. "I went to the reservation to see Jacob." His caresses immediately stopped. Jacob's effect as a mood-killer was just as strong as ever; an amazing feat after all this time.

"How is he?"

"It's hard to tell. It's not like it was before. He's taking it all very well."

"That's impressive, and unlike him really."

"That's what I thought." I shut the door and leaned up against the car. Edward stood beside me and leaned up against it as well, curious about the situation. "Did you know he and Nessie broke up?"

"Broke up?" He was genuinely surprised as well, but he didn't yell like I had.

"Yes."

"Who broke up with whom?"

"Jacob broke up with Renesmee."

"Oh, I see. I think I'm going to pay a little visit to the reservation. I haven't been there in months…" Edward started taking a few steps forward but I instinctively grabbed his arm.

"Whoa there, hold on. Nessie had already decided on leaving before Jacob broke up with her, it's not his fault she left."

"Why aren't you more upset? He hurt our daughter! I warned him about this. The sniveling mongrel."

"Please try and be calm and understand there is no one who loves Renesmee more than Jacob does. Okay?" Edward stopped trying to pull out of my grasp as he took a breath. I gave him another few seconds to free himself of some anger.

"What happened exactly?"

"Well, Nessie told him she was leaving and that she wanted to be a part of the Council. Jacob can't leave his family right now. She still left."

"Did he think she would stay for him?"

"Maybe he did, but not anymore. He seems to be convinced that she does not want a life with him and the best thing for him to do would be to let go of that future and allow her the one she truly wants."

"I see." Edward stepped back to lean against the car with me again.

"You don't disagree?"

"He may be right."

"Edward, that's a horrible thing to say. Jacob and Nessie are meant for one another."

"Look, to live here, with us, with Jacob, requires a great deal of anonymity. She has so many talents, but she'll never receive any kind of recognition for them. Could Nessie ever be happy being just an unknown artist, or an unknown writer; within the human world it's impossible for her to have an identity. But in the vampire world, she's respected and known. That's important to her."

"Love is important to her as well. Last year she was closer to marrying Jacob than ever."

"I'm going to say something you may not like to hear. Can she be happy being only the wife to Jacob Black? Not that Jacob isn't worthy of her, but being married to him does cause some limitations."

"She could do both. Carlisle does it. She hasn't thought it out clearly."

"Carlisle has the freedom to move wherever he might need to. Jacob needs to say here. You know, humans struggle with this very dilemma. Love or a career? Nessie has chosen the latter – so to speak."

I paused and tried to imagine myself in Nessie's place. I would have chosen Edward every time.

"How is it our relationship seems so much simpler now?"

"I was just lucky you were so aloof about your future, and your humanity, and a lot of other things."

"A life with you just sounded so much better than any I could come up with."

"I thought so too." He took my hand and kissed it tenderly.

"I still think they need to be with each other."

"You want to hear something twisted, I'm actually very proud of her. Our daughter is a leader in the vampire world."

"Kind-of like your kid growing up to be president."

"Exactly."

"What happens when she comes back?"

"If she comes back."

"Don't say that," I whispered.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it," he whispered back to me. I could tell the words stung him bitterly as well. I gripped his hand a little tighter.

"Do you want to come with me so see Jacob tomorrow?"

"That may not be a good plan. Not unless you want him in more pain than he is now."


	9. And The Truth Has A Habit

**Chapter V: And The Truth Has a Habit  
**

All semblance of decorum was out the window. This was yelling, this was arguing…this was politics. I had rejoined the group afterAlina's prodding and was now experiencing the group in its natural state. There was a great deal more dissension than I anticipated. We were still talking about the mystery surrounding Peyton's death, specifically, who had caused it. I, the uninformed creature that I was, asked what they considered the obvious questions.

"Now what kind of danger are we actually fighting here? There are only three of them and an entire population of vampires who support the Council."

"Just because a vampire says they've given the Council their allegiance doesn't make it so. They would have given their allegiance to whoever took the power. They just don't want to get involved. They certainly won't get involved in protecting us," Cristian said coolly.

I tried my best to keep from being irritated even if he was being condescending.

"If anything they'd be more interested in helping the Volturi," Natalie chimed in with one of her usual biting remarks.

"Why would anyone want them back in power?"

"People trust the familiar, even vampires."

"And there are very few vampires who like our involvement with werewolves and mermaids and half-breeds. No offense."

"None taken," Marthe said as she rolled her eyes at Natalie's jab.

"And there are even fewer who support the vegetarian lifestyle."

I had really been living in a Cullen bubble.

"We can take comfort in the fact that the majority of the population does not wish to be involved one way or the other. Vampires like to play Switzerland until it becomes personal." Marthe said wisely and possibly as a jab right back at Natalie.

"It could very well become personal if the Volturi are involved. Who knows what kind of secrets they have."

"But the Volturi have next to no pull any longer, right?"

"They wouldn't if anyone actually feared _us_. We only have one death under our belts and that was accidental," Natalie said in a tone too nonchalant for the serious nature of the topic. I wanted to ask her about this but Tani interrupted me.

"Let's get back to the task at hand. Finding them."

"We already know how to do it. Let the half-breed rifle around in the forgetful four's heads a little bit."

"That's not how it works, and that's really inconsiderate of them," I argued instantly.

"They'll get over it," she said back just as quickly.

I made an annoyed face at Natalie. I had forgotten how abrasive a personality she possessed. Alina spoke calmly as she asked me a question. She must have been more accustomed to her.

"Nessie, is it possible for you to find a single memory?"

"Probably not. If I remove the barriers we risk revealing all their memories of their past. I don't control what they see. I just remove what's blocking their sight."

"What does Demetri think of this? Has anything else come back to him?" Marthe asked of Tani. Tani was still a foster mother to them.

"No, nothing. They've been too scared to ask about it directly, but I know they've been discussing it amongst themselves."

"Do they want their memories back?" I asked her next.

"They're conflicted and confused. They've been very happy here, but they wonder why we've been keeping things from them."

I didn't see how bringing back centuries of torture and hatred would make them happy in any capacity.

"Let's say bringing their memories back is not an option, how else can we find them? Alina?"

"No, I have never met them, so I cannot locate them," she said with disappointment in her voice.

"And no one else knows anything about this Matthew, Noah, and Sarah?"

"A few people we've interviewed have heard the names and understand they are very young. That's why they were kept out of Volturra because they weren't yet controlled enough. That's the extent of it."

"Anything about their abilities?"

"Nothing specific, only that it must be significant to keep them hidden so well. My concern is, if they were humans changed in the last ten years they were specifically found to counter…well, you and your family, Nessie."

_Great_. That made sense. The Volturi had already destroyed every other formidable coven when I came to pay them a visit. Maybe they had waited on us because we were too well known, too famous, with too many allies. Taking us out first would have started a war. Leaving us for last would have left us with no allies to call upon. "Whatever the Volturi's plan was, it didn't come to fruition in time."

"Is this another reason you asked me here? As bait?"

"I didn't even think of that, but that's an excellent idea."

"Shut-up, Natalie," Marthe said quickly. I was amused by the look on Natalie's face. Tani wasn't very amused. Things weren't being taken seriously enough.

"That's enough. I have some calls to make. Alina, can you speak with Rye?"

"Yes," Alina said flatly.

"Thank-you. We will reconvene when he returns." Everyone disbursed quickly. Tani looked irritated. The darkness of her personality was overwhelming the warmth at the moment. I wanted to speak with her further, but Alina grabbed my arm and dragged me out before I had a chance.

Rye was waiting for us in the main reading room playing a PSP. He never had any patience for reading. Were Ántonia alive, she never would have allowed those things in her house.

"Hey, how did it go?" he asked.

"Not well. We are at a standstill."

"So, where am I going now?"

"North. There is a nomad couple stopped in Minsk."

"Standard questions?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I better get going. I want to get there before it gets dark." He took her in his arms gently – _slowly_ even. He could reduce his speed to be perfectly in tune with how her body moved. It was one of the most romantic things I've ever witnessed. He kissed her ear and whispered, "I'll miss you."

"Come back soon," Alina commanded. He quickly kissed her again as if he was going to work like a normal person.

"Bye Ness," he said and before I could even respond he had rushed out of the room in a blur.

"What exactly is he doing?"

"We like to know what is going on in other areas of the world. It is important to keep communication open and many vampires do not believe in modern communication, like cell phones, as of yet. At the moment we are also hoping to get some leads on information about the vampires who killed Peyton."

"Wow, how often does he go meet these vampires?"

"It varies. He is really the best person to do it. He can get there the fastest and get away if there is danger. We have found vampires like being found by a proxy as opposed to an actual member. It is less intimidating."

"Probably helps that Rye is so very charming." Alina just smiled back at me. She may have agreed with my statement, but I really didn't. "It's amazing how much you trust each other. Especially given what happened last year."

"It becomes much easier now that I know where he is at all times."  
"He's never been off your radar?"

"Not yet. Although, he has not crossed any oceans yet, so we still need to test that."

"You two were just meant to be."

"Thank-you." Alina picked up a few scattered books and returned them to their proper places on the shelves. She must have been the one to reorganize everything. I took a seat on the couch and tried to get things organized in my head. One particular statement from the meeting was still bothering me.

"Alina, what did Natalie mean by 'we only have one death under our belts'? Why should we want to kill people?"

"It is not about wanting to kill anyone; it is about expressing our authority and taking laws seriously. There is really only one way to punish a vampire."

"I thought the point of this regime was to help end violence."

Alina paused as she put the last book away. "Nessie, what you think would have happened if Rye would have lost his case last year?"

"I…I guess I don't know. I figured he might…"

"They would have killed him," she said assuredly as she interrupted my stammering.

"But that's…"

"I know it sounds wrong. I do not take any pride in it, but the law is absolute."

"How will we differentiate ourselves at all from the Volturi?"

"We keep a larger group membership to keep ourselves in check. And we always hold trials, we believe in innocent until proven guilty. Those are the only ways."

"Even if we find these three Volturi who murdered Peyton? They'll still be guaranteed a trial?"

"Yes." She pulled a book from the shelf and sat down in a large armchair with it. She skimmed through a few pages until she paused and began reading.

"Alina, something has been troubling me since the beginning. It doesn't make sense that Peyton would put himself in a dangerous situation without telling anyone. He must have known them."

"Yes, we have realized this as well. And you were right, Nessie; the Council does have support to call upon. We outnumber them even without reinforcements. It does not make sense three would take on all of us."

"So what do they want?"

"That may be the most important question."


	10. Of Falling Out of Your Mouth

Jacob's POV

**Chapter VI: Of Falling Out of Your Mouth  
**

We were playing War, and no, the irony was not lost on me. It was the only game we could play. Edward could read my thoughts if we were playing Rummy or Texas Hold 'Em. War was unpredictable and didn't require any actual skill. Which is what made it one of Nessie's favorite games apart from _Chutes and Ladders_.

Bella had dragged Edward over to my house and I couldn't for the life of me understand why she did it; unless she didn't want to spend any additional time apart from him. The two of them handled separation very badly. The visits Bella had been paying me had been enjoyable for the most part. It wasn't like it used to be. Still, she managed to fill part of a void. Edward didn't fill anything.

He'd barely uttered a word since they arrived. Nothing besides a "hello" and a "how are you?" that sounded disingenuous when he said them. The three of us sat awkwardly at the kitchen table throwing cards between us while I tried avoiding eye contact. I also tried to think of nothing but the game. I should have asked Bella to protect my mind. I didn't know yet what Edward thought of the break-up, but I doubted he would be as compassionate as Bella.

"Uh…You know, I haven't seen Seth's new little girl in months. I bet she's growing like a weed. I think I'll go see them."

"Bella…" I whined. So much for the separation anxiety. The girl was practically running out the door. Why was she throwing me to the lions? She's supposed to make me feel better not…dead-er.

"You and Edward, have a nice chat, okay?" She patted my hand and gave Edward a kiss on the cheek before she left. Some best friend.

I blew a long breath out of my lungs as Edward silently stared at me. He was tapping one finger on his stack of cards, but other than that he was entirely still. I was much older than him now, in a certain sense, however at this moment he couldn't have appeared more like a father. I'd even go so far as to say he reminded me of Charlie…I was glad we didn't have any guns in the house. The corner of Edward's mouth barely twitched – must have heard that thought.

I tried very hard not to think of anything. That seldom works. Talking can sometimes help, so I started muttering something while shuffling cards between my hands. "So…I know what you're thinking."

"Is that so? I don't hear that very often," he said clearly.

"You're wondering, how I could have done it."

"On the contrary, Jacob, I understand your position well. I did the same thing once, for different reasons, but with the same underlying theory."

Wow, that was unexpected. Our situations were somewhat similar. He had left or "broke-up" with Bella to ensure she would have the kind of life she deserved. I was doing the same for Nessie. On the other hand, Edward was also protecting Bella. In the circumstances of my break-up, I may have been just protecting myself.

"Then what are you thinking?"

"You took care of Bella when I left. For God's sake, you saved her. I probably would have lost her if not for you." He paused. He hated admitting this, even now. "You saw firsthand how destroyed Bella was. So you understand my confusion, that you would risk putting Nessie through that same experience."

"Nessie is strong – stronger than Bella in some ways. She's been through worse."

"I know she's strong. Yet, you only seem to trust her strength during tragedy. She didn't want to end it."

"She didn't want a lot of things," I scoffed as I became very annoyed.

"That was my mistake, Jacob. The moment I made decisions for Bella was the moment I screwed things up!" What a 21st century way to put it. I rarely heard Edward speak that way.

"This is completely different from you and Bella." There was an understatement. The things keeping Bella and Edward apart included humanity and a deep lust for blood. The things keeping Nessie and I apart were her ambition, her inability to make up her mind, and my responsibilities. Kind-of boring by comparison, but apparently far more powerful. "Edward, this is not about me. This isn't my fault."

"So you didn't blame _me_ when I left?"

"I'm not the one who left!"

"You were the one who ended it! Nessie is doing something important."

"Don't you think I understand that? I know she's dedicating herself to something important. Edward, what if Bella had found a better life apart from you? Not necessarily with me, but a good life nonetheless. You would have stayed away?"

"Yes."

I didn't need to continue. He had completed my argument. However, Edward was silent. I found I did have one more thing to say. "I didn't give Nessie an ultimatum okay? I simply told her the way things were. I didn't decide anything for her. That's kind-of the problem." I was second on her list of priorities and that just wasn't enough. Not when she had been first for every moment since I laid eyes on her. His silence continued, but he seemed less uneasy. He was disappointed with how the conversation had gone. I didn't really want to be winning these arguments.

"I'd like to think I would have stayed away, Jacob. Then again, the very thought of it…" his words faded away uncharacteristically. Edward was imagining himself in my place. What if Bella had found a better life, how would he have gone on? Would it have even been possible? That was the situation I was facing. His eyes darted back and forth several times and he swallowed noticeably before he continued, "I'm not sure. So, Bella tells me you've been taking everything quite well."

As much as I was annoyed by Edward, as much as disliked him at times, he understood a part this situation Bella did not. Bella understood what it meant to be left behind, but Edward understood self-sacrifice. It's not pleasant. It's not very satisfying, especially when every fiber of your being is saying you belong with that person. No, the imprinting wasn't gone. She was still my gravity. She was still the thing holding me to this earth. But the earth is full of so much more than just the two of us.

"I can fake it."

Edward nodded.

"You're really not going to tell Bella?" he asked me. What I wasn't going to tell Bella was this. I wasn't okay. I wasn't taking it well. I was angry. I was mind-numbingly angry. Yes, I had mentioned this to Bella, but not near the severity at which I was feeling it. It was building up inside of me more and more everyday instead of fading away like one would expect. Everything was so unfair. With Nessie, I would eventually have to give up my family when I outlived them, and I probably didn't have much chance of having my own. Nessie had rejected my proposals and broken her promises. I never had any choice of who I imprinted on in the first place. I was tired of giving things up and never getting anything in return.

But at the same time, my anger disturbed me, even if I felt justified in it. Because…I did love her…still. I loved her smile and her laugh. I loved how she could be simultaneously cynical and optimistic. I loved that she constantly tried to teach me things, and although she thought I was apathetic, I listened to every word she said. Everything felt right when I was with her. Everything was whole. I supposed, to be fair, I had broken my promise too. I promised I would wait…I was wrong.

"Bella will just be upset and I don't want to create any rifts in your family."

You are our family, Jacob."

"Are _you_ going to tell Bella?"

"No," he said stoically. And gladly we understood each other. He now stared at his cards as he spoke, "Nessie is not the one who's been destroyed here. Is she?" I strained every muscle in my body to prevent myself from moving. Like a good father he had been thinking of his daughter's broken heart instead of mine. Besides, the one who does the breaking up usually doesn't get the sympathy. Edward neatly stacked up his cards in some kind of attempt at feigning human idiosyncrasy. "I'm not going to get in between Bella and her best friend," he said and I couldn't help leaning back in my chair as I laughed. How much more absurd could this conversation get? Edward isn't going to get in between _me_ and _Bella_? What has the world come to?


	11. But Now That it's Come

**Chapter VII: But Now That It's Come  
**

The next morning Alina and I were waiting in the reading room for Rye's return. Every fifteen minutes or so Alina would check her mental GPS and note where Rye was. It was amazing how much ground he could cover in only a quarter of an hour. She predicted his arrival within 27 seconds of when he walked through the front door. He eagerly took Alina in his arms and kissed her like he'd been away for a year as opposed to a little over 24 hours. Alina lightly pushed him away after only a few seconds. Rye had an obvious look of disappointment.

"What happened?"

"Not much, nothing specific."

"But something?"

"They said there has been talk of them leaving trails throughout the region. Rather sloppy trails really, but no sightings."

"That is it?"

"I told you it wasn't much. The couple also mentioned if they are something the Volturi hid, it must be bad. Really bad. The couple is getting the hell out of Minsk as we speak." The Volturi still struck fear in the hearts of vampires; even when their numbers had dwindled to only three. Then again, it may have just been this particular three.

"Let us go talk to Tani. There is not much reason to have another meeting just yet." The two exited the room, Alina showing obvious disappointment for a very different reason.

What had Peyton been thinking? If these three vampires were the key to destroying my family and me, why would he go to meet them? And without telling anyone? Nothing was making sense and it was all very frustrating.

I was awoken from my irritated pondering by the soft footsteps of someone entering the room. Jane walked slowly, looking a little sad and meek.

"Nessie, may I speak with you?" the girl with the innocent face murmured to me. Today Jane wore a slim-fitting pair of gray jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt along with a pair of Converse which added to her youthful look. It was hard to resist her new disposition; she was now sweet and charming and normally insatiable. Her usual smile was gone. She obviously had something important weighing on her mind.

"Of course."

"We know there is something going on. We know it has to do with Peyton's death. We're related somehow."

"No, it's not like that," I assured her quickly and leaned forward in my chair.

"My memories don't make sense to me," she said frankly.

I could understand her confusion. She appeared to be the age of a young teen, but she may have only had memories of the last four years – depending on what Ántonia left behind and it didn't appear to be much.

"I know things are a little disorienting now, but let me promise you, you are in no way related to Peyton's death. Alright?" I hoped my words would convince her, but she must have heard these statements before.

"Why does Demetri know the ones who killed him?" Another frank question. She must have feared asking Tani these things. As usual, no one was afraid of me. I didn't want to lie to Jane. We'd all been doing that for several years. It had been for their protection, but they were lies of omission nonetheless.

"Jane, just trust us, please. We all love you and your brothers."

"Why can't you be honest with me? Why doesn't anyone tell me what's going on? There must be something we know, or don't know." Her tiny face was distressed and like before it was hard to resist her, but now because she was genuinely upset. I feared her sweet nature would be compromised if she knew the horrible things she had done in her past. She could possibly feel guilty over all the pain she had inflicted. Or worse, she might embrace her ability fully again and have a desire to regain power. Still, no one likes decisions being made for them. I knew that very well.

"You're right. There are things we have kept from you, but it was for your safety. We want you to be happy."

"I have been happy, but I can't be if everything is a lie."

"It's not all a lie, we do love you. We are your friends."

"Then tell me what I don't know. Use your ability." She reached for my wrist but I moved away from her grasp before she could touch me.

"Jane, don't. I mean it," I scolded her. Her face became a mixture of frustration and desperation.

"I can't take much more of this! I want to help…I want to understand…" she pleaded and her breath became heavy.

"I can't. I swear it's for the best."

"Fine…" she said in a defeated tone. She took a few steps backwards then turned away from me and ran down one of the corridors. I didn't catch the look on her face, but I knew she wasn't going to let this go. If I were in her position, I'd do the same thing.


	12. And You Won't Disappoint Me

**Chapter VIII: And You Won't Disappoint Me  
**

My "Keep Jacob Sane" project was still well under way. I didn't know everything Edward had shared with Jacob when they spoke privately, but Edward told me I should keep seeing Jacob. I saw that as a sign that Jacob was more upset than he'd led me to believe. I wanted him to be honest with me; then again, I'd never been completely honest with him when I was suffering a broken heart. I wondered if he was hearing voices too.

I drove to his house in La Push, but he wasn't home. I talked to Billy for a few minutes and he admitted he didn't know where Jacob was either. I called his cell phone next and he didn't answer. I was down to the old standby: follow the scent. It only took a few minutes of running through the woods to figure out where Jacob had gone. I passed a brook and climbed over several hills till I came upon a clearing and a terrible little shack of a house. This was the house Jacob had been trying to convince Renesmee to buy after they got married. Neither of those things happened.

The house was in worse shape than the last time I had seen it as parts of it were strewn throughout the clearing. Jacob was in the process of pushing a wheelbarrow filled with construction debris as I walked toward the house. He smiled when he saw me.

"Hey Bells!"

"Jacob, hi." I looked tentatively over the piles of junk. Jacob began emptying the wheelbarrow and dust floated around everywhere.

"Whoa! Jacob! Shouldn't you have a hard hat on while you do that? Or a mask?"

"Yeah, probably." He continued stirring up the dust. I wondered if there was asbestos in this. Jacob hadn't been concerned with health since he became a wolf.

"What are you doing?"

"Starting demo."

"I see that. When did you buy the property?"

"Last night. The offer went through pretty quickly. It's been up for sale for several years."

"Wow, congratulations. This is a pretty big deal. Why now?"

"I've been putting this off too long."

"I'm surprised. I thought you wanted this to be a home for you and Nessie." I bit my lip immediately after I'd said it. I wanted to be a little more tactful when it came to mentioning Renesmee, but I hadn't yet mastered my own idea. Jacob didn't seem too shaken by my comment however.

"I did, but even if we aren't together anymore I still want this house. I still want my own place. You realize I've been living at home for twenty-seven years now?"

"Such a loser," I scoffed as I helped him throw a piece of gypsum board into the pile.

"Thanks, Bella," he said in sarcastic response.

"It's really something, you having your own house I mean. I'm surprised Billy didn't mention it."

"I haven't told him yet. Granted, this won't be finished for a long time, but I don't know how I'll leave him. I'll take care of him always of course, but I hate to think of him alone."

"He has many friends on the reservation."

"Yeah, I know, but it's not the same thing." Jacob and I had a very dark commonality between us. We could both be absolutely certain to outlive our parents. In the last eleven years my father had gained a few more wrinkles and a few gray hairs (especially after learning the truth about us), but he still looked like Charlie. Every day I feared I would go to visit him and he would be completely changed. In the meantime, I cherished every moment I had with him. I understood why Jacob would want to be here for every moment with Billy.

"Jacob, I'm very proud of you for taking care of your father. I'm proud of you for building a house for yourself."

"Thanks."

"So, what do you plan to do after the demo?"

"I'm not quite sure yet. I'm sure Esme and Alice have some plans in mind. I just want something simple and sustainable. Since I spend a lot of my time out of doors as it is."

"It kind-of seems like you're…never mind." I managed to stop myself. I was finally beginning to follow my own plan.

"What is going on in your head, Bells?"

"What do you mean?" I said dumbly. Jacob really was pretty perceptive and I wasn't very cunning. I didn't stand much of a chance of outsmarting him.

"Every time you come to visit me you look nervous – like you have to think about everything you say before you say it. And then you even look strained after some of the things you say."

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be a good friend."

"I'm not going to fall apart on you, Bella. I already told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know you told me. So, if I were to bring up Renesmee it really wouldn't bother you?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Yes, Bella. Really."

Did I believe him? He sounded sincere enough, but how could it possibly be true?

"Well, there is something…hmm…I've been wondering for a long time. Can I ask you something I'm not sure I want the answer to? I reserve the right to stop your response at any given moment."

"Uh, sure…?" he stammered and smiled as he answered.

"Why did you…uh…decide not to be…_intimate_ with Nessie?" Ugh. I think the word "intimate" is now tainted forever.

"Uh…doesn't Edward know?"

"He's never mentioned anything to me. He doesn't always tell me things unless I ask directly. It still annoys me to this day."

"You're kidding. The world's most perfect man does something that annoys you?"

I punched him in the arm hoping it would at least leave a bruise. He rubbed his arm, but it would probably heal too fast to leave a mark.

"Stop evading the question."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted the answer."

"I do," I said assuredly. I'd known Nessie's side of this story and I could guess Jacob's, but I couldn't suppress my curiosity.

"Well, I don't really want to say. It doesn't sound very…macho."

"Jake, that's not really a concern with me." I was a mother. Didn't he know it brought me joy that he would be so sensitive with my daughter? Men are idiots. Jacob was busying himself with organizing his piles of junk to avoid looking me in the eye.

"Her…hesitance…about getting married. I know I played it off like a joke most of the time, but…"

"It really bothered you."

"At first it was fine. She was still so young. She still is young, but every time she avoided the conversation, every time she cringed when I mentioned it, I knew I wanted more than she did. She was acting out of hormones."

"I'm sure there were some hormones there for you too." Oh, those human days.

"Geez, Bella," he moaned, slightly embarrassed. "It just felt like, sleeping with her when I wanted something else, was wrong. I wanted to wait till we wanted the same life."

"Jacob, she did genuinely love you. I'm not sure you believe that."

"Yeah, well…doesn't matter much anymore."

"It matters."

Jacob shrugged and pulled out the last piece of debris from the wheelbarrow. He began wheeling it back toward the house. I followed close behind him. I felt like a little kid irritating a very tall adult.

"Oh, Jake. I'll just say it, Nessie screwed up and I understand why you're angry about it. It makes me angry too."

"Bella, I don't need you to say stuff like that," he muttered.

"I know you're lying."

"Lying about what?" Jacob asked, his voice becoming tenser and definitely irritated.

"You are angrier or more upset or more something then you're letting on. I know because I did the same thing to you once."

"Bella—"

"Except I wasn't angry, I was just lost. Anger is different, it's healthy even. You should just admit it. I promise you I won't be hurt."

"Damn it, Bella!" he shouted as she slammed the wheelbarrow down. It fell over with a determined thud. "Stop trying to be my therapist!"

"You just admitted why you never had sex with my daughter, I think we've crossed a line. Why can't you tell me how angry you are at her?"

"Because…"

"Because, why?"

"Because I don't want to stop being angry!"

"What does that mean?" I said quietly – or possibly at a normal volume. It seemed quiet because we had been yelling.

"I remember what it was like before…when she left. God…damn it…I was ready to…I can't stand that to happen again," his voice broke. Jacob had been shattered before and he nearly let it destroy him. He almost let Sasha erase the memory of Renesmee. Imagine if he had. "If I let my anger go, it'll happen again. I don't want to be like that again."

"Jacob…I won't let that happen, okay? You saved me once. I can do the same for you."

"Bella…what were you going to say?"

"Huh?"

"Before, when you said 'nevermind,' what did you want to say?"

I bit my lip. Apparently habits die hard. Jacob encouraged me,

"If you want me to be honest with you, you have to be honest with me."

"Building this house, it's like you're…moving on. Are you?"

"I don't know, Bella." That was honest enough for me.


	13. I'm Scratching at the Surface Now

**Chapter IX: I'm Scratching At the Surface Now  
**

Tani decided to have a meeting the next morning. I didn't understand why, there wasn't anything to discuss. Politicians like to have meetings for the sake of meeting, I swear. My sleep cycle was under control again and I was actually the first person in what I still called Ántonia's study. I walked along her bookshelves and let my hand run over the spines of her books trying to guess how many times she'd read each one. I should have asked her more questions like that. For a life that lasted over a thousand years, I knew too little about it.

I heard someone enter the room and also heard a very annoyed "Oh" before I could even turn around. It was Natalie – of course. The one person with whom I didn't want to spend any quality time.

"Hello," she said icily. An amazing skill given she'd only said a single word.

"Hi Natalie," I responded, trying to sound emotionless.

"Up early today?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, good for you." That wasn't even an insult and she still managed to make it sound insulting. The girl had a gift. "I see you came without your wolf. You two break up or something?" she said off-hand as she sat sideways in an armchair. She couldn't have known what happened. I didn't tell anyone except Alina. Rye had probably figured it out, but Alina would kill him if he told anyone without permission. I decided to be honest and a little vague.

"Something like that."

"Seriously?" she said immediately and with an inflection of surprise. She hadn't known, and I doubted she really cared, but she did sound surprised.

"Yes."

"Huh…"

"What?"

"I'm just surprised, I mean, why would you break up? Who else is going to date either one of you?"

"Natalie, why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" Did I say that out loud? Natalie's jaw slightly dropped, but there was a definite smile on her lips.

"Well, well. Finally, some real character comes out. You and Ántonia were way too alike. Always hiding how you really felt about things. It drove me crazy."

I had always thought my emotions played too easily on my face which was nothing like Ántonia. However, I didn't have a problem keeping my thoughts to myself. Maybe Natalie wasn't very perceptive and she took being polite as being introverted.

"At least I'm not mean to people for no reason."

"My intention is not to be mean, it's to be honest. I'm not going to conceal anything about myself. It's not how I live."

"There's a difference between honesty and cruelty."

"Is there? Nessie, do you know anything about my coven?"

I shook my head. The only thing I knew about her coven was that the Volturi destroyed them. I'd never even thought to ask more about it; however, Natalie wasn't one to share.

"It wasn't anything like this – this coven of vampires and merpeople and what-have-you. This environment is all about knowledge and self-control. We were very different. We thrived on strength, and the hunt, and oh god, just everything that makes us extraordinary." "Us" meaning vampires and "extraordinary" meaning speed, agility, energy, strength, durability – the list goes on. Her eyes darted with excitement as she spoke. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as well. "It's thrilling to just give into it." It reminded me of how Jacob described "going wolf." When you lose yourself completely to instinct and nature. Her background explained her personality very well. When Natalie was angry, she was _angry_, when she was flirtatious, she was _flirtatious_, there was no in between with Natalie. She wore her heart desperately on her sleeve.

"You can't live like that and live among humans. You'd massacre entire towns in a single evening. That's why the Volturi came after us. They said we were out of control. We weren't though, we really weren't. We weren't a bunch of newborns, we kept ourselves in check. We drank animal blood for god's sake. If that's not control I don't know what is. "

"How can you stand living here then?"

Her eyes relaxed and she looked away from me. She was now trying to sound emotionless.

"I was the only one who escaped when the Volturi came to destroy us. Haven't you wondered why that is?"

I didn't nod or shake my head. I just held perfectly still.

"We were so in tune with our instincts and our environment we could feel them coming – it's hard to describe. When I felt them my instincts told me it was dangerous. I didn't stay and fight. I didn't try to defend my family. I ran away. I was so wrapped up in the freedom of obeying my instincts that when they told me to run, I did. I didn't even look back until I was a hundred miles away. They were feeling the same thing I was but they managed to stand beside one another."

Guilt. I knew what that was like. Jacob had accused it of being the only reason I had gone to the Council at all. It was strangely complicated for me to respond to my own instincts given the way my head worked these days. Any thought I had received equal billing as there was nothing to hold things back. Therefore priorities were difficult to interpret. Maybe these were just excuses. Maybe I was just cruel…far crueler than Natalie.

"I know I come off as a bitch; however, I don't always mean to. This place can be a little oppressive to me."

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't," Natalie quickly interrupted me, "I don't need your sympathies. I'd prefer you just be honest with me a little more often. I respond better to frankness."

My sympathies weren't insincere, but I refrained anyway. Her advice would be difficult for me to implement; nonetheless, it wasn't bad advice.

Our little hallmark moment was interrupted by Alina and Tani walking in the room. They both looked back and forth between us and I can only imagine what they were thinking. Probably something like a cat fight. A few minutes passed and all the Council members had joined us in the room. Tani's voice was very serious when she began speaking, "Rye has returned from interviewing a nomad vampire couple and informed us the three Volturi members have been in the region. They have also been moving poorly and have not done much to hide their trails. We could take advantage of this and start a search party for their arrest."

"Are any of us any good at tracking?" I asked. I was okay when I was looking for Jacob, but other than that, not really.

"I'm decent," Marthe said. It wouldn't be a full moon for a few days however.

"I don't think we should risk our lives unless we are absolutely certain we can make an arrest."

"Then what do you suggest?" Natalie said, mirroring my thoughts exactly. Tani moved to the back of the room and opened the door. Standing against the wall on the opposite side was Demetri. He stepped through the threshold and Tani closed the door. His face appeared frozen and stoic. Mine must have been horrified. "Listen, please. Demetri has volunteered to help us in this search."

"Tani, may I speak with you…" I began.

"Demetri understands he is very skilled at tracking, like many vampires. He wants to help us," Tani said plainly. So, we were still lying to them. Very skilled at tracking indeed. He was the ultimate in tracking. Although I didn't want to be the one to bring back their memories, this still felt wrong. "We should begin planning."


	14. And I'm Trying Hard to Work it Out

Jacob's POV

**Chapter X: And I'm Trying Hard to Work It Out  
**

It was early evening. Dew was beginning to wet the grass and the moon was visible. The setting sun was casting an orange hue over the landscape. I was sitting on the lawn of my newly acquired property. I liked having my own house; well…eventual house…this grass was definitely mine. I had spent years fixing cars and doing custom rebuilds while saving every cent I could so I could one day afford to buy my own land without being in debt for the rest of my life. I had managed to do it. It felt like a milestone. It felt like it should have been a big deal. I should have wanted to celebrate. If you haven't already guessed, there was a big "however" attached to this happiness.

There was an emptiness which loomed over the moment because it wasn't how I had envisioned it all these years. For most of that time, I was certain I would be experiencing it with Nessie. The certainty faded into likelihood, which faded into hope, then there was doubt, and now….well…here I sat.

Bella hadn't been to see me in a few days and I was glad for it. Our last visit was rather emotionally intense. I knew she had pushed me out of genuine concern, but that didn't mean it was a good experience for me. I had been able to express the serious nature of my anger toward Nessie; which I had to admit, was a nice release at first. Faking a happy disposition can really sap your energy after a while. Now I was just waiting for the depression to set in. That's the next step of grief, right? Okay, so I didn't know the stages of grief, but I knew it was in there somewhere and if I had to guess, that's what would be coming next.

Yet, it had been a few days, and it wasn't like before, when Nessie ran away that is. Maybe because I had been considering a very different question which Bella had inquired of me. "Building this house, it's like you're…moving on. Are you?" I had answered the question with an indistinct "I don't know" because that's really how I felt about it. Moving on from Nessie? Was that even possible? What would that even mean? The phrase seemed trite and not nearly strong enough to describe what would actually have to occur in order for me to "move on" from the thing that held me to the earth. It was like asking me to stop breathing.

Still, from Bella's or any other person's point of view, what did I appear to be doing? When in public I had a good hold on myself and behaved like I normally would. Even as a wolf my pack hadn't complained of me thinking of her too much or too often. I was beginning to build a house like I had been dreaming for several years. It had been natural for Bella to ask if I had moved on; because that is what it looked like I was doing.

I laid down on my back. The grass was soft and very comfortable. Even if I never finished the house this was better than any bed. The first of the evening's stars were beginning to appear.

I kept repeating Bella's question in my mind over and over. Finally I had to ask myself, at what point would the pretending end and the reality begin?


	15. Cause This is What You've Waited For

**Chapter XI: Cause This is What You've Waited For  
**

"How much longer are they going to be?"

"They are in Kiev now. They were supposed to head towards Warsaw, but they took a very abrupt turn east about an hour ago."

"It's been too long already." About a third of the Council had left the confines and safety of the castle to begin a search for the mysterious lingering Volturi members, Matthew, Noah, and Sarah. The three who were strongly suspected of murdering Peyton. We technically didn't have a motive and even more technically we didn't have a body, but luckily for us those standards were given some leeway in the vampire world.

"Stop pacing like that, Nessie. You're giving me a metaphorical headache," Cristian groaned at me.

I had been pacing through the room nervously while everyone else sat in the reading room with ease. I would never be able to hide my fears like they could. The stress made me miss Uncle Jasper very much.

"We don't even know what we're up against."

"Please, they're outnumbered and they're kids compared to the rest of us. Well, most of us."

I was only eleven and Alina was only two years into her immortality.

"Do not fret, Nessie, Cristian is right, everything will be fine," Alina said quietly to me. Her husband was one of the people out there. She wouldn't have let him go if she didn't believe it. Those who left also included Tani, Natalie, Felix, and Demetri of course; who was being shamefully exploited for his gift. I was furious at Tani. Lying to the four of them at this point was heartless and pointless.

I sat down on a sofa and couldn't stop myself from tapping my fingers against the armrest. Cristian gave me a very pained look. I shot him a look back. I wasn't going to apologize for being worried about my friends.

"Let me tell you what is going to happen here," Cristian began to explain. "Demetri will track them down within the next hour or so. Rye will be the first to get to them, but he'll knock his speed back so the others can catch up to him. Tani will issue the notice of their arrest, and if they refuse a trial, well…" If they refused a trial they would be killed, but it seemed very doubtful they would allow that to happen without a fight. This is the situation I feared and Cristian hadn't elaborated upon. I felt some of the color drain from my face.

"Have some confidence, Nessie! And Cristian, stop frightening her. You are the one who wants her to be calm."

"You're right, Alina. I apologize, Nessie," he said while he made an exaggerated bowing gesture with his head. I just shrugged and turned my attention to Alina.

"So, what is the official plan with Jane and the others? Are we going to tell them the truth or not?"

"I believe Tani wants to take things as they come. If something comes up which they must know we will tell them."

"Did she tell Demetri he's a master tracker?"

"I do not believe so."

"This is crazy! They know something is up. I wouldn't be surprised if Jane figured it out herself."

"Well then we won't have to be the ones to tell her, will we?" Cristian said from his peanut gallery on the other side of the room.

"This is all a really bad idea."  
"Doesn't matter much, you were outvoted."

I had made a motion to keep Demetri out of the search party. Since Demetri had technically volunteered no one agreed with me. Damn democracy.

"You know, Jane asked me to use my ability on her. This whole thing is wearing on her. If we keep things from them they're going to resent us for it."

"Jane is a good girl. She is not going to turn on us," Alina said confidently and Cristian nodded. They apparently didn't know what it felt like to be sheltered and patronized. I tapped my fingers a few times more furiously. This situation was frustrating and reminded me a little of the times I had tried to convince my family to trust me. As wise as everyone believed me to be, no one ever listened to me. Vampires always think they know best.

A few moments passed and both Alina and Cristian had picked up a book and began reading. I was far too distracted to read so I let my eyes wander around the room. I paused at each intricate portrait and even smiled when I was reminded of their stories. There was a portrait of Jane Eyre. She was pale and plain and dressed in a boring grey, but her eyes were bright and optimistic. This must have been right after Rochester professed his love for her. There was a portrait of Elizabeth Bennett standing in the countryside looking dream-like and hopeful. There was Ophelia, still as crazed and poised to burst from the picture as always. Then there was Juliet. She was sitting alone on the floor in a marbled corridor holding her knees up to her chest, hiding from her mother and nurse no doubt, while perhaps contemplating how she had suddenly fallen in love with the wrong person. It may have very well been a portrait of my mother…a portrait of Alina…of Tani…of me? No, Jacob was never wrong. If anything it should have been a portrait of him. I missed Jacob so desperately at that moment. He listened to me, he always listened. He'd listened so well he let me do things that would only hurt him. Damn imprinting.

Within the silence Alina suddenly gasped; an unusual thing for a vampire to do.

"They are here." She must not have been checking her GPS for the last hour or so. Before I could even respond Rye had sped through the corridor and was standing in the room with us.

"We got them."

* * *

End of Part II 


	16. And Please Yourself at the Same Time

**Part III—Chapter I: And Please Yourself At the Same Time  
**

_I was wandering the perimeter of the castle, only a sliver of the sun remained along the horizon. The air was crisp and clean and refreshing. The moments when I wasn't paying attention I swore my mind was cleared; at least I liked to think it was. Twigs snapped under my feet as a wandered back to where I had begun my walk. I had been staring at the foliage piled up on the ground. When I looked up, there was something familiar standing in my path a few hundred feet away. I could only see the silhouette of a person The sun was causing a disabling glare which made me squint against the light. _

"_Jake?" I whispered dumbly. That couldn't be right. I raised my arm to help block the sunlight. A person with that height and that torso was unmistakable. "Jacob?" I said louder. The darkened form didn't move so I started running towards it. As I ran closer his features did not become clearer. I wanted things to be focused, but the sun kept inhibiting my eyesight. My chest felt so tight I think my lungs were going to explode. The air now felt humid and heavy and the sky had gone completely dark. Why wouldn't he say anything back?_

"Nessie!"

I woke suddenly. My chest was still tight from the imaginary run I had taken. Alina was standing over me looking concerned.

"Everyone is in the other room."

I was amazed I had been able to sleep at all. I had been told Matthew, Noah, and Sarah had been arrested, but I hadn't even seen them yet. Rye said the capture had gone pretty easily. They agreed to a trial immediately and to the conditions of their arrests. They were either innocent or they wanted to extend their lives. Tani discretely ushered them into one the holding rooms and asked that the trial begin in the morning so those of us who needed rest would be able. I disagreed with this action, but went to my room all the same. I pouted on my bed for a while until I apparently fell asleep.

I entered the room wearing what I had been last night. My clothes were wrinkled and I looked especially disheveled compared to all the flawless vampires in the room. Only the Council members were gathered along with one unfamiliar face.

She was female, so she must have been Sarah by process of elimination. She was standing in the center of the room as did all charged suspects. She looked old enough to be a sophomore or junior in college and was the same height and body type as me. Her long blonde hair was wavy with natural highlights streaked through it like she had spent previous summers in the sun. She must not have had braces as a child because her teeth, although straight, were set in a natural square as opposed to a curve so her incisors were nearer the front of her mouth making it look very much like she had an inherent set of vampire fangs. I shuddered when she smiled. Crimson colored eyes look especially menacing with blonde colored hair. She was confident and unworried and a grin remained on her lips even as everyone in the room stared at her.

"Well…" she said beginning the conversation we all were apprehensive to set in motion. Her voice sounded so much like Jane's used to. I wondered if Jane would recognize the hateful tone. Then I remembered that she wasn't in the room with us. Of course, we wouldn't want them to hear things they shouldn't, now would we?

"Are you going to ask questions or not?" the young vampire asked. "Isn't this supposed to be a trial?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce Miss Sarah Smith." Sarah smirked happily at the sound of her own name. Smith? Couldn't the Volturi come up with something more original than that?

"You have been charged with the murder of Peyton McLean. Do you understand these charges?"

"I suppose," Sarah said with a bit of an immature attitude which made me think she believed this to be more like a game. She glanced over each of us individually; appearing like she was only half-listening to Tani's questions.

"We shall question you each individually, you will have opportunities for rebuttals, and then we shall reach a verdict and sentence."

"_If_ we're found guilty," Sarah added quickly. The smile on her face grew.

"Yes," Tani agreed, reluctantly.

"What is your relation to the Volturi?"

"I was turned by them – that much is true. However, I've been in northern Russia for the past decade. We've had little interaction since then."

"Did you know Peyton McLean?"

"He was part of the Volturi, was he not?"

"Yes, did you know him while he lived in Volturra?"

"Not really. I spent very little time there. I swear, one moment I was in Italy studying abroad, and then I go for a walk one night and bam! I'm up to my knees in snow and hunting Siberians," she said cheerfully as her young coed side came across on a very dark topic. She really didn't see the point to any of this, nor was she worried about the outcome. To be fair, no one else in the room appeared very nervous either. I remembered Cristian's casualness about the whole situation. I don't think I'd ever have that vampire confidence. Vampires forget too easily how relevant death really is.

Sarah took a few casual steps toward a large window where the morning's eastern light was pouring in. I was forced to squint as I looked at her and her features became less focused. Suddenly, a strange sense of déjà vu sent a chill through my body. Abrupt thoughts of a dark and humid forest flashed through my mind. I shook my head and tried harder to pay attention.

"What is your relation to Matthew and Noah?"

"Matthew was actually the first of our little group. Then me, then Noah. We've been together since we met."

"Were you meant to take care of him?" What a strange question. Sarah gave the answer I was actually thinking in my head.

"_Please_, none of us need taking care of."

"What have you been doing while in Siberia?"

"Nothing of any particular interest. Siberia is rather dull."

"We will ask that you give us complete answers," Tani scolded.

Sarah obediently moved back to her original spot.

"I told you already. Hunting, living, we haven't been there very long. I was turned only ten years ago. Noah a little less and Matthew a little more." She validated one of our suspicions. They were all very young for vampires – my age really.

"Why did the Volturi hide you?"

"Because I was a newborn I suppose. They wouldn't want to be caught increasing their armies when they were killing off covens." An evasive answer, but completely plausible.

"When did you come in contact with Peyton McLean?"

"I saw him once a few months ago, I guess." She had a lot of partial answers for a vampire. Vampires were usually much more certain of things. She was either a terrible liar or she really didn't care what was going on. In any case, it was really starting to get on my nerves.

"What was the capacity of your meetings?"

"He sought us out. Let me make that very clear. I didn't know him well, but he must have known us. He knew where to find us. He told us the Volturi were gone. We didn't even know they had been killed off. Isn't that ridiculous?" She laughed to herself. No one else did and she appeared a little disappointed at that. "He kept going on about the new regime and how well it was working. I guess he wanted us to be a part of it."

"You didn't respond?"

"I was glad to hear the Volturi were gone and I no longer had to worry about being under their thumb, but that was the extent of it. I was also glad to get the hell out of Siberia."

"You haven't seen him since he went to you?"

"Well, we saw him a few more times when the three of us starting traveling around. Apparently we were making the natives restless."

"What happened at these meetings?"

"He kept going on about rules and policies, as if any of it mattered." Her answer contained sighs and a roll of her eyes like a college student complaining about a strict RA.

"What are you special abilities?" This line of questioning attracted Sarah's attention. She faced Tani instantly and lost her exasperated tone.

"Now, I don't see what that has to do with Peyton McLean."

"If Aro wanted you as a vampire then you must have had potential."

Sarah paused; apparently mulling it over.

"I'm strong. _Very_ strong." She didn't appear any stronger than me or Alina or any female in the room. I doubted she could take Uncle Emmett on in an arm wrestling match; on the other hand, Tani didn't question it.

"And Matthew and Noah?"

"You'd have to ask them. I would prefer to speak for myself if you don't mind."

"Fine." Tani paused and exhaled dramatically. Sarah took a couple slow steps toward her.

"Would you just come out and ask it already? I'm getting bored of these games. They're not going to tell you what you want to know."

"Did you murder Peyton McLean?" Tani said through her teeth.

"No," she answered immediately.

"Your scent was found on the scene along with remnants of a fire and Peyton's scent."

"I don't deny that."

"How you explain your innocence?"

"You asked me if I murdered him. I didn't."

Suddenly, the image of a darkened figure flickered into my mind. My hand went to my forehead as if I could to physically touch the thought. Tani's angered tone brought me back to the present.

"Don't toy with us."

"I'm not toying with you. The fact is we did kill him, but we didn't murder him. It was self-defense."

"Self-defense? Are you saying Peyton tried to kill you?"

"Yes."

"Do you have proof?"

"I suppose not, but can you prove otherwise?"

"Explain the situation."

"We were creating a bit of a stir in a little Swiss town; biting a few too many. Peyton told us if we didn't follow the rules there would be consequences. We weren't about to lie down and accept punishment." There's only one way to punish a vampire.

"I find that very hard to believe. Peyton would not have killed you without addressing the Council first."

"Hurts when you learn your regime isn't all that perfect, huh?" Sarah said with some mock compassion. She continued and now spoke matter-of-factly, "Look, this is all very simple. Either you believe it was a defensive move to kill Peyton McLean, or you don't. Until that conclusion is reached, there is nothing else to discuss."

Tani paused for a moment to regain her composure. I was glad for the break as well. I searched my mind for the errant flashes which kept occurring. I could find them, but they were difficult to see…they were just out of my reach.

"May I ask you something?" My head snapped back to Sarah as she spoke. Tani nodded. "Why are you asking us any of this? Why don't you just ask them?"

"That is not your concern," Tani said sternly.

_Them?_ Oh…former Volturi. They must have recognized them. I suddenly wanted to run to Jane to console her or explain things, or just do something. Learning the truth of her past from this girl wouldn't help things any.

"Some new regime. You've got the same damn people." She giggled to herself. Tani decided that would be the end of this interrogation.

"Natalie, Cristian, please escort Sarah to the holding room. Bring Noah back with you."


	17. And as These Shadows Fall On Me Now

Jane's POV

**Chapter II: And As These Shadows Fall On Me Now  
**

I don't know what was wrong with me. Maybe there was nothing wrong with me. When I looked in the mirror it was obvious I was once at least fifteen. However, if you were to ask me my age, I couldn't tell you for certain. I couldn't tell you anything about my past. This wasn't unusual for most vampires – human memories tended to be hazy, and it didn't bother me I didn't know parts of that former life. But I didn't know anything…and they did.

I had never demanded to know anything for the time I had been living with the Council because, really, I was so happy. I was completely content. I loved my brothers dearly, and I loved Tani and Alina and Nessie. They were basically my mother and sisters. I felt welcomed and safe with them. It was a family; I had no doubt of it. But obviously, something was amiss. Peyton was dead and Demetri knew who killed him by scent alone; their names at least. He didn't know anything more about them. We talked for hours and hours trying to get a hold of where those names had come from, but we never came up with anything. We tried because we wanted to help. When we failed we began to realize this was only the tip of information we did not know.

I don't know how old I am. I don't know what my special abilities are. I don't know who changed me. I don't know what I was before the Council. I don't know what I was like as a newborn. I don't know what my nationality is. I don't know my last name. I don't know if I've ever killed a human. I don't know if I've ever killed a vampire. I don't know if I've ever drunk the blood of anything other than an animal. And most importantly, I don't know why I don't know any of those things.

I tried talking to Tani and I tried talking to Nessie, but they weren't willing to say anything on the matter. Nessie had said it was for the best, but all I could see in them now was deception and dishonesty. These people were supposed to be my family. The people I depended on to be honest. It was all extremely hard to take.

We had been assigned to keep watch over the suspects, along with Rye, Nia, and Jens. The "cells" were really all a pretense. They couldn't have held a vampire. These trials were left to the will of the accused; however, it was your only shot to heard and prove your innocence. If you tried to run, you were pretty much as good as dead, especially with Demetri and his newly acquired skill. At least, it was new to him.

He couldn't explain his ability or how he knew how to use it so well so quickly. He described it as "incredible," and the most liberating experience he'd ever had in his life – that which he could remember. Everyone was encouraging with Demetri's gift and not all that surprised when they discovered how well it worked. This only furthered my belief that they knew…whatever it was I did not. Another few people who were unsurprised to see Demetri were the three offenders. Sarah smiled brightly in recognition when she saw each of us, but I could not return the smile. Secretly, I had a perverse hope that since Demetri somehow knew of them when I saw them it would trigger some response in me as well. It didn't, and Sarah looked confused when there was no reaction. I had been told by Tani and everyone else my duty was to keep watch over them and not to interrogate them because it might interfere with the trial. This was a reasonable request and I was usually happy to obey Tani and they others; however…things were different now.

I was walking calmly through the hall; passing Felix and Demetri and my brother Alec, until I reached the room Rye was standing in front of. Sarah had just been returned to her quarters while Cristian and Natalie took Noah into the main room.

"Rye? Do you think you could keep Felix company for a while? He's getting bored and that can be a little dangerous."That wasn't a lie. The last thing I was about to do was lie. There was enough of that going around.

"Yeah, no problem. I know what it's like to have a short attention span." He happily gave me a wink and flew to the other end of the hallway where Felix was watching over Matthew. I stood near the door for a few seconds until I quietly turned the knob, entered the room, and closed the door behind me. Sarah was sitting in a chair with her legs crossed and a pad of paper on her lap. She was exceptional at drawing. She must have been an artist in her former life.

"I was wondering when you would come and talk with me!" She said freely as she looked up from her pad of paper. I remained by the door. "What's the matter? Worried about what they might think? Oh, don't worry about them. They don't know what they're doing out there." She laughed to herself. She had just finished her interrogation. I guessed she thought it went well. I still remained by the door.

"Jane, what's going on with you? You've all been so strange since we got here. You don't have to pretend with me. Or even if you're not pretending, I'd still like it if I could at least talk to my friend."

"Friend?" I chirped. I didn't mean to, the word just popped out.

"Sure…" she said slowly. She returned to her drawing and spoke rather casually. "You know I was surprised you never came to tell us the Volturi were all dead. I mean, we've been up there for four needless years, and let me tell you, snow gets repetitive after a while."

So, I really was supposed to know this girl. There was nothing about her I knew. I didn't know her face, or her voice, or her identity. It couldn't be amnesia because nothing was triggering a memory.

"How were you able to get out alive anyway? Did you double-cross them or something?" She looked up at me with pointed interest.

My hand was still frozen to the knob and the force of my hand dented it a little. Double-cross them? How could I…unless I….

"Are you alright?" she asked, but there wasn't any concern in her voice. It was more like she was confused. I however, was no longer confused.

"Tell me about my past with the Volturi. Don't ask why, just tell me."


	18. And If You Have Something to Say

**Chapter III: And If You Have Something to Say  
**

I think I was experiencing a headache for the first time in my life, but it's hard to say when you don't have much to compare it to. Cristian spoke about suffering from a metaphorical headache; however, there was definitely something tangible to what was going on in my head. I didn't understand the thoughts or my dream. I had been dreaming of Jacob constantly since coming to Romania, but my dreams had never been so frightening and had never manifested themselves so strangely. Even as I thought of it now without distraction they weren't as clear as my thoughts normally were. I wasn't sure I wanted them to be clear. Being unable to reach Jacob was painful…and I didn't wish to relive it. Perhaps my mind was protecting itself.

I was sitting with Alina on one of the leather sofas and she didn't appear to take notice of my lack of concentration to the trial. Natalie and Cristian reentered the room with a second unfamiliar face who I presumed to be Noah. Tani had gone over the usual trial proceedings. It was okay if I missed those small points. It would be far more important that my head was under control.

I had just begun to collect myself when I finally took a good look at the kid. He looked to be similar in age to Sarah and obviously from this century. He was tall and his blonde hair was on the shorter side and molded into what was once a trendy faux-hawk. I wondered if that hairstyle occurred naturally or if he had to use some kind of product to make it stay. It would be unfortunate that his hair would be permanently stuck in an out-of-date hairstyle. Then again, he had been living in Siberia for the last ten years; he may not have known it was out of style. He also had stubble all over his chin – mustn't have shaved before he was changed. He was wearing a dark blue hooded sweatshirt and an average pair of khaki shorts which made him appear innocent and approachable. If the kid had a college logo on his sweatshirt he could have easily posed for a catalog.

He wasn't as smug as Sarah had been so I gave him credit for that. At least he was taking this seriously.

"We've learned of your history from your counterpart, Sarah. She spoke of your lifestyle in Siberia and the circumstances of meeting Peyton McLean. What was your relationship with Peyton McLean?"

"Peyton was an interesting guy. I liked him."

"Would you care to expand on that?" Tani said in a biting tone. She had lost all her patience after speaking with Sarah. I felt kind-of bad for the kid. He just looked so nice, a lot nicer than Sarah. I had to remind myself he murdered one of my good friends.

"Like I said, I liked Peyton. He just wanted us to know the Volturi were gone and that we didn't have to live under their control anymore. I was more than glad to be free. Sarah didn't exactly trust him."

"Why not?"

"Well, he was in the Volturi as well. And the Volturi know how to lie. How were we to know that this new government was really any different from the old government?"

"The validity of the Council is not open for debate at the moment."

"It's kind-of important, considering my life is on the line."

"What happened to Peyton?" Tani said quickly as she changed the subject. Her voice broke slightly as she spoke. She was having difficulty keeping her emotions in check.

"Look, this is what happened. We were in Zurich and Matthew and Sarah were just having a little fun. We had been in hiding for so long it was great to embrace the freedom."

"Why did you stay in hiding?" Alina interrupted the interrogation. He hadn't even gotten to the part about Peyton, but I didn't blame Alina for speaking up. Tani was a little overwhelmed at the moment. Noah turned to look at the two of us. He was a very handsome young man. Tall and muscled all the way down to his sculpted calves. Something about his physique and his khaki shorts made my head spin and not in a good way. I instantly remembered my feeling of anxiety in my dream and my chest tightened. I held my hand against my collar bone trying to concentrate on breathing normally. Within the next second the thought was gone again and my chest released. I tried to appear as relaxed as possible. It was difficult with my mind running all over the place.

"We were afraid of the Volturi. They told us if we ever revealed ourselves they would kill us. We witnessed the destruction of entire covens. We were inclined to take them at their word."

"Why did the Volturi keep you in hiding?" Alina asked. She mustn't have been convinced of Sarah's response to this question.

"I'm not sure. I figured it was because of Matthew."

There was something about this Matthew person I didn't know. I wanted more information, but I decided to wait until we were finished. It must have been obvious and my mind was in too much disarray to be asking dumb questions.

"Let us assure you Noah, we are in pursuit of the truth. Now, what did happen to Peyton?" Alina said gently. There was some good cop/bad cop stuff going on here. A common strategy, but it seemed to work.

"In Zurich, things got a little out of hand. Peyton came to warn us to practice some discretion or face the consequences. Sarah took this as a threat. I will admit I did as well."

"And you killed him?"

"Yes. He told us there would be punishment for reckless behavior and we didn't think we had much of a choice. I know you claim things are different now, but we didn't see it that way. The only government we knew was the Volturi and they don't give out warnings. And like I said, Sarah didn't trust him and she's very convincing." She had said she was strong after all. Noah sounded nearly… regretful. Nothing like Sarah. His eyes were apologetic, but they were also blazing red. It's hard to have sympathy for anyone with eyes so red.

"What is your ability?"

"Do I have to tell you? It doesn't really seem pertinent." He was practically sheepish at this question. It was…cute.

"If you want us to trust you, it is."

"I'm a drain."

"What does that mean?"

"I can drain your abilities. All of them. I can virtually turn a vampire into a human. It's not quite as frightening as it seems, I can only do it to one person at a time and it requires a lot of concentration. I haven't really had much practice." He defended himself in a rush of words. I could only imagine how time could intensify an ability like that. No wonder the Volturi wanted him.

"Thank-you, Noah." Alina said solemnly.

"Can I say something?" He didn't even look to Tani. She was running her hands over her face in obvious distress. Alina nodded. "We were out of control, and I know what the Volturi would have done if they were still here. This system is doing the right thing by holding these trials. That's the sense I get at least."

It was hard to tell what his motivation might have been. He might have been sincere or it may have been some kind of elaborate plan to save his own life. Even if that was true, his life had been stolen from him already, twice. He had been turned against his will and then he had lived in fear for all of his life as a vampire. Perhaps he just came out if a little more well-adjusted than Sarah had. He had certainly given us a great deal more to consider. Not that we really wanted to make those considerations. I knew Tani wanted this to be an open and shut case.

"I think we will adjourn until tomorrow morning." Tani said barely above a whisper. I was glad for the break. I relaxed into the couch as the room quickly emptied. My body told me dozing off would be the best way to clear my mind and as I leaned back on the couch I wished I would have been able to do so. However, the moment I closed my eyes my chest tightened and my stomach clenched. Something was ahead of me, something my heart told me was Jacob, and no matter what I tried I couldn't reach him.


	19. When You Reached Out to Take My Hand

**Chapter IV: When You Reached Out to Take My Hand  
**

_I was running. I did that a lot and for various reasons. I usually enjoyed it. I was also confused. The woods were familiar to me. I knew it down to the branches of the pine trees. I even recognized the air. It was crisp and clean and smelled like home. It was home. Then why was I so confused? _

_I was still chasing him...it…whatever. The figure I hadn't truly identified yet. Since I had seen him my mind had not been able to let go of it. I had to know what it was. I had to make sure it…Jacob…was okay. _

_As well as I knew the forest I had a foreboding sense that I didn't know where I was going. This is a feeling I did not enjoy. It didn't help that my chest was tight and my muscles were burning with the speed of my movements. I just couldn't move fast enough. I couldn't get a hold of what I should be doing. I wanted to yell, but I couldn't catch my breath fast enough. _

_Branches whipped harshly over my body and I knew if it occurred enough times it would probably leave a mark. I didn't care. My body wasn't my concern. I ignored its pleas for rest and its insistence that I look to my own survival first. None of it mattered…not if…I couldn't even think it. _

_Then I saw him. Then I stopped. My chest was still moving quickly even though every other part of me was frozen. He…it…was standing not far from me. It was still difficult for me to make out who he was, but this time it was because he was shaded by the trees. I waited for him to move – afraid if I spoke first, I might frighten him away. _

_Only a moment later my sight validated what my heart had known from the beginning. As the figure turned I saw its face for the first time…it was Jacob. I should have been elated. I had missed him so fiercely since I had left and I had been struggling endlessly to reach him and now he was here and only a few feet away from me. However, when I looked upon his face I was far, far from elated. I was horrified. My Jacob…my perfect Jacob…with his tanned skin and knee-buckling smile…his face and body was now etched with multiple scars. His skin was chapped and his hair was cut at odd angles. His cheeks were sunken and his entire body was thinned out unnaturally. I couldn't believe he could even hold himself up. He was in such visible pain my heart stopped. _

"_Jacob…" I managed to whisper…then again, it may have just been the wind. _

"What I wouldn't give to sleep."

I jolted with a start and instantly a cool hand was gently touching mine.

"Nessie, are you alright? I am sorry Rye woke you. He was not being very considerate." Alina was sitting beside me. I had fallen asleep? How had I managed it? I swore a moment ago my head was aching with damned restlessness. I looked to the window. The sky was now dark.

"She's been sleeping long enough," Rye moaned as he took a seat in a chair across from the two of us. I noticed Alina roll her eyes and I wanted to laugh, but my head felt too heavy.

"_Are_ you alright, Nessie?"

"I don't know."

"The trial is stressful, that is for certain. The situation is more confused than I would prefer."

"You guys are being way too nice. Can we please take care of Sarah? The girl is unbelievably annoying. She thinks she knows everything."

"Rye, please try to be serious. Can you not see Nessie is upset?"

I had a few moments now to calm myself down and reappear normal. Thank goodness for Rye and Alina's bickering.

"I'm fine now, I think. I had a bad dream." Bad…yeah…that's one adjective for it.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

The instant the question was asked my brain automatically recalled the dream, even without my active permission. The memory of it was different from the fuzzy memories I had been experiencing during the trial. This vision was sharper, literally and figuratively. The image was clearer and the way my body reacted was far more acute. My stomach clenched so hard it was painful. I hadn't experienced that much physical pain in my life, so maybe I had a low tolerance. I did my best to hide it and forced a smile on my face until the memory faded away a little.

"I'm fine."

Alina looked over me dubiously and patted me on the hand again.

"Perhaps you should go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day."

_Right_…more sleep. That's exactly what I wanted. I couldn't stand to be under Alina's concerned eye anymore, so I nodded and headed into my room with a brief good-night to both of them.

I sat down on my bed and tried desperately to relax. My body was too alert and peculiarly tense. It was like being sickly nervous for test results or just bad news in general. When I couldn't stand to keep my eyes closed any longer I let them open I looked around my dark room. I noticed some moonlight being caught near my window. The mobile had been replaced. It was smaller, as most of the mirrors had been broken, but it was similar to the original. And happily, it was distracting. Sasha was always an excellent distraction.

So distracting, my body jumped at the sound of knocking at the door. I couldn't take any more surprises. I wasn't used to them.

"Come in." I said quietly and I moved to turn on a table lamp. When I turned to the door again Jane was standing against it. She was staring down at the floor and I couldn't see her face. "Jane?" I said just as quietly as before. She must have still been upset. Unfortunately, my mind had been occupied by other things and I hadn't thought of her lately.

"I've come to apologize."

"What?" Why couldn't anything make sense today?

"I'm sorry for yelling, for saying…"

"Jane, you have _nothing_ to apologize for. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"I wanted to apologize anyway, and tell you that I think of you like a sister. I love you like a sister."

"I feel the same way. I swear to you."

"Good," she said briskly as she finally looked up at me. My breath hitched slightly when I saw her. She looked a little…off. Not bad, not scary, just not herself. Not the Jane I knew.

"Jane, are you sure..?"

"Everything will be fine," she said in a single tone and then exited through the door once more. It was an odd encounter, but everything had been odd today.

I sunk back into the bed and began running the trial through my mind. The Council would expect me to have some intelligent words on the matter. Cristian, not to mention Natalie would ridicule me if they knew I hadn't been paying attention because I had been thinking about my boyfriend…ex-boyfriend.


	20. Is All That You Said

**Chapter V: Is All That You Said  
**

Sleep had become my enemy.

The one thing I had which other vampires coveted and I couldn't stand it. I hadn't slept at all the previous night and it wasn't because of my impromptu nap yesterday afternoon. I tossed and turned and anxiously paced around my room because honestly, I feared sleep. Sleep was supposed to be my respite and now it had just become painful. And of course, given my head and its miraculously expanded consciousness I couldn't keep my nightmares at bay even when I was awake. The image of Jacob's war-torn face played over and over again in my head like an irritating song stuck on repeat. And it wasn't just the image which broke my heart repeatedly; the way my body reacted was unsettling. My heart would race and my stomach would constrict, not to mention how my breathing would become erratic. I thought about talking to Alina about it, but what would be the point? She'd just tell me to go home and I didn't want to admit the weakness. Not to mention…I wasn't wanted at home.

I tried my best to look awake and put-together. I had to spend a great deal extra time in the bathroom and ended up late for the meeting. Despite my efforts, there was a considerable darkness under my eyes and my mind was still buzzing as I entered the room. No one seemed to care and no one seemed to notice how on edge I was because, well, everyone appeared a little on edge. It's such an atypical way for a vampire to behave it almost becomes comical; however, if a vampire is nervous it's probably for a damn good reason.

I sat next to Alina like I had the previous morning and forced my voice to sound at ease. "Is everything alright?"

"As well as things can be."

"Why does everyone look so anxious?"

"Anticipating Matthew's interrogation is a little…disconcerting."

I was about to open my mouth and ask the obvious question I had been avoiding, but within another second it wasn't necessary. Natalie and Cristian entered the room with the final Volturi member yet to be interviewed and the reason for everyone's anxiety became quite apparent. This vampire was what you might call…controversial. He was young – and not in the vampire sense. He couldn't have been older than twelve when he was changed. His hair was somewhere between brown and blonde and still had a natural shine and softness to it only an adolescent's could have. His face was still rounded as he had never lost that last bit of baby fat – he may have never even hit puberty. His limbs were thin and lanky, as lanky as a vampire's could be, and he was just…young.

He was _so_ young. Just on the cusp of what could be considered an immortal child. His existence was nearly illegal – too young to be changed, too young to look that way forever. There wasn't any way to make him look older either. If he were to be dressed like an adult he'd just look like a boy in a costume. Every instinct told me his eyes should have been blue or green or just some kind of color, but not red. Those red eyes…they couldn't have been more wrong. Those demon-like red eyes on a harmless child – what had the Volturi been thinking?

"Matthew, welcome," Tani said. Her voice had regained its usual calm and I was glad at least one person had a peaceful evening.

"As you may imagine, we have a great deal of questions for you. Many of which you may not be able to answer, but your honesty is very important."

Matthew just nodded. I was so anxious for him to speak. I'd never seen an immortal child and I had a morbid curiosity about it. Everyone else must have had one as well because everyone in the room was frozen in anticipation. I had once been the recipient of those stares and whispers.

"First of all, do you remember the circumstances of your change?"

"Not especially." His voice was rather…hard to describe. It was of a higher range, but he spoke with a self-assured adult tone. If he had been changed ten years ago, than his mind would be around twenty-two or so which would account to his adult way of speaking. Still, disconcerting was a perfect way to describe it.

"I believe I was in Volturra for a few months. After Sarah joined us we were placed in Northern Russia. Then Noah joined us not long after that."

"What have you been doing during your time in Siberia?"

"We would hunt, but not as much as we'd like. Sarah really enjoys playing games. Noah likes to stay in town, although that becomes too dull eventually. I actually like to read or just enjoy the snow and the landscape. I prefer to spend time outdoors."

Just when I thought I had pulled myself together my mind was thrown back into the humid and dark forest at the sounding of the word "outdoors." My heart rate sped and I desperately willed it to stop. My fear of sleep was probably meaningless because the image of Jacob in pain was just as sharp and torturous as it had been the first time I had seen it. While I was enduring my little piece of personal hell Tani had paused in her questioning. Matthew was still relaxed and definitely had an inherent innocent quality about him; that much was certain. It might also be dangerous for us as judges.

"Why did the Volturi change you?"

"I couldn't tell you that."

"What is your ability?"

"I don't think I have one."

I heard someone scoff across the room. It was probably Natalie.

"I find it hard to believe the Volturi would change a child if he didn't have any potential gifts to offer the coven."

It was then I realized there was something vaguely familiar about him, to me at least. Something fuzzy. I think…I had seen him before. In Aro's mind…he was one of the children I'd seen Aro turn. Aro's memories were so overwhelming at the time I couldn't tell the boy's change had been so recent and that he was still alive.

"The time I spent with Aro was brief. I was…coping, with the transition and he was desperate to keep me hidden. I am well-aware my existence is not traditional."

"So, Sarah and Noah were changed to protect you?"

"Perhaps. Like I said I was a newborn at the time, I don't remember much else other than the bloodlust."

"Still, Aro wouldn't risk his entire empire unless he had something to gain."

I knew from being inside Aro's head and from his personality in general that Aro always desired what he could not have. Children, was one of those big things he would never count as one of his possessions. I wouldn't be surprised if Aro turned this kid simply as a test to see if a vampire-child could mature and be self-controlled. No other immortal child had ever lived for very long. It appeared his test may have been a success.

"I can confess the reason for my existence may have been motivated by the existence of a different immortal child. I don't know the child; only that it was something extraordinary. Something Aro must have been concerned about."

I noticed six pairs of eyes flit over to me for barely a moment.

"Can you tell us what happened to Peyton McLean?"

"Well, I don't know what I can tell you that Sarah and Noah have not. We had been living in fear of the Volturi the entire time we were in Siberia and that put us in a very defensive mindset when Peyton contacted us. We weren't inclined to believe him."

"What did he tell you?"

"He explained that the Council was understanding and fair. And that I would be accepted as long as the rules the followed."

"But then you didn't follow the rules?"

"It was exciting to be free. You all know the thrill of the hunt can be overwhelming."

I think a few of them may have fidgeted guiltily, but my eyes might have been playing tricks.

"When Peyton threatened us, we decided to defend ourselves."

"Do you think the man would have gone to you alone if her were out to kill you?"

"I will admit it was some poor decision making on our part." He sounded a little like Aro then. The apple didn't fall far.

"Matthew, why should we let you live?"

Something snapped in my head once more. The constricting of my lungs was so painful I couldn't even pay attention to the trial any longer. I was able to hide it well and kept myself still, but all I could see was Jacob…over and over again. Why had this question made the vision so excruciatingly acute? Did I fear for Jacob's life? Is this what will happen if I couldn't reach him? Something about Matthew's voice distracted me from my confusion enough to listen to his answer.

"You have nothing to fear from me. I'm not a toddler about to throw a tantrum, my mind has matured, and I've come to accept what I am. I can only hope that if your coven does pride itself in understanding than you will come to accept me as well."

"Do not forget you what you have been accused of in the first place."

"I understand and I have not forgotten. I must say, I do not envy your decision. You must all really be struggling."

"What makes you say that?"

"If you really found my existence to be an abomination, I wouldn't be alive right now.

Oh…_god_…stop talking about death. The conversation was making my mind go to places I genuinely feared. The places I knew were there, but as long as I didn't aggravate them, they were quiet and I could get through the day. Now, my mind was completely enveloped with my fears and my body tensed at the consuming sensation. Even if my body collapsed, none of it mattered. If I couldn't reach him…nothing would matter.


	21. Your Chance to Even Up the Score

**Chapter VI: Your Chance to Even Up The Score  
**

"If you think for a second that kid doesn't have an ability than you are all truly demented!" Natalie practically screeched across the whole of Ántonia's study.

I winced as she spoke. If I ever wanted to know what a hangover felt like, I think the way I was feeling now would be my best bet. I could barely concentrate on our meeting; even though it was vitally important. I decided it might be best if I avoided saying as much as possible.

"He's kind-of amazing. I mean, I don't approve, but he is quite calm and speaks very well," Marthe commented. She seemed to be less appalled by this than the rest of us.

"Do you even realize what you're saying?"

"He has no reason to lie. His life is in our hands," Marthe said attempting to combat Natalie's excited and very, very loud argument.

"That kid _is_ lying! There's no way Aro would risk having an immortal child around just for kicks. Or just for Nessie, she's not even venomous for God's sake."

Everyone looked over at me momentarily. Damn it…so much for trying to be inconspicuous. I cleared my throat before I spoke and had to concentrate very hard on keeping my voice even.

"It's possible he may have done it solely for pride. He turned several children, I don't know exactly how many, but he liked the idea of having his own children."

"I would imagine Aro was very jealous of Bella and Edward," Alina said coolly. Out of everyone in the room she kept her eyes on me the longest. No doubt she was noticing my increasing stress…perhaps I wasn't hiding it well anymore.

"Even so, we need to know for certain. Sick the half-breed on him."

"What?" I croaked. I couldn't keep up with them. My heart was beating incredibly fast and I battled momentary bouts of dizziness. It didn't help the visions in my head kept spinning and repeating themselves over and over. Cristian spoke up and tried to explain Natalie's meaning more eloquently,

"Nessie, can't you look into their minds, like you did with Madeline?"

"I'm not a lie-detector," I barked. I couldn't control my voice any longer. I couldn't devote any more energy to that and still have the ability to form coherent sentences. Natalie apparently didn't appreciate my response and began speaking with too high a volume once more.

"Oh please! Just look in their heads and find out what they're hiding! Peyton must have known something we don't or he wouldn't have kept them a secret from us."

I couldn't disagree with that because it was the only piece of information we did not know. Why would Peyton risk his life on more than one occasion without ever alerting anyone to the danger? However, I wasn't sure I could do what she was asking.

"God, you guys really don't get it. That's not how it works. I can't see whatever I want to see; it's dictated by them. I remove the barriers to the subconscious and in a vampire that can be very unpredictable."

"It worked with Madeline and Ántonia."

"That was different; they had boundaries set upon them that made them forget things or distorted their thoughts. The three of them haven't been mentally hijacked by a third party."

"What about Aro? He wasn't under anyone's influence."

"The only reason I saw so much of his secrets is because he was trying to see mine simultaneously. Again, that was dictated by him, not me."

Natalie hissed and turned away from me dramatically. I hadn't been paying attention to my breathing and my chest was heaving severely. I hoped everyone accounted that to our heated argument. Alina leaned forward and spoke quietly to me, trying to diffuse my anxiety.

"Nessie, are you certain it will not work? It will not help?"

"I don't know…" I said pathetically. If my mind were in a different place I would be more inclined to try, I might even volunteer. However, things weren't organized in my head and I feared touching anyone would just release my bitter and terrifying fears. I wasn't even sure I would be able to concentrate long enough to look into anyone else's head.

"Let me ask this…" Cristian began, "Let's pretend Matthew isn't an adolescent. Wouldn't our only question then be whether or not they are guilty? They've already admitted to the crime. I don't think there is much else to discuss."

"We need to discuss the circumstances. They were in a very different mindset. One we all found ourselves in not too long ago," Tani explained.

"If they were so out of control Peyton would have said something! They knew what they were doing."

"And what is that exactly? What is their plot?"

"They may want to take down the Council. Perhaps they still harbor loyalty to the Volturi."

"They gave themselves up. They knew coming in they had little chance of surviving the trial. Nor could the three of them take on all of us."

"Unless Natalie is right and they are all lying. Noah could be far more skilled at draining then he lets on, and we don't even know what Matthew might do."

"Then why haven't they done anything?"

Cristian took a breath. Truly I believed Tani, more than anyone, wanted this trial to be over and the sentence carried out, but she was doing her very best to create fair trial; even for three vampires we all disliked adamantly.

"There's too much we don't know. Nessie, you need to at least try," Cristian begged.

My stomach clenched again, for the umpteenth time, this time because I was nervous. I didn't want to try. I was exhausted and haunted and didn't think I could take a vision of Peyton being killed. Then again, I probably wouldn't see that. It was one piece of information the three of them were up front about.

"Look, if I don't do this, where do we stand? What would the verdict be?"

"I am afraid there is still some reasonable doubt as to whether or not it was malicious or self-defense. The purpose of these trials is to avoid making rash decisions and provide justice, and it may not be just to administer punishment when there is still doubt." We had no witnesses. It was our word against theirs. As it stood we had no alternative. Yes, we could probably carry out a sentence and most of the vampire population wouldn't care one way or the other, but we had to be certain or we would be just like the Volturi. Making decisions based on gaining power and creating a world of fear – the exact thing we were trying to eliminate. I didn't have a choice.

Everyone looked at me expectantly. I should have known this was going to happen given some of them only voted for my induction because of my ability. Nevertheless, I couldn't have predicted the profound ache in my heart which only allowed me to think of what I had left behind. I stood up slowly, hoping no one would ask why I was moving so slowly, the errant thoughts of Jacob were still crippling to me physically and emotionally.

"Fine. Let's go," I mumbled and made my way towards the exit. I heard everyone begin to file behind me as I made my way across the reflective walnut floor. I'm sure they all saw this as a very dramatic and climactic moment; practically like a movie script. I feared they would all be disappointed when it didn't work. Mostly because we would have to let Sarah, Noah, and Matthew go. Peyton's death would not have its deserved justice.

I paused in front of the room where Matthew was being held. I was scared of him the least although he seemed to be the one we knew the least about. I hoped the innocent quality of his face and not the wicked color of his eyes would be reflected in his thoughts. Before I opened the door I took one long breath and tried in vain to calm my mind. I had to make it through this…then I could…what would I do? I had to stop myself. Now was not the right time to decide anything.

I gently turned the knob and opened the door fully. Matthew was not in the room. However, Rye, Jens, and Nia were. And amazingly, astonishingly, and impossibly, they were tied to chairs with duct tape over their mouths.


	22. I Can Do That Myself

**Chapter VII: I Can Do That Myself  
**

I have come to believe most vampires suffer from an invincibility complex. They seem to think because they have lived for so very long there is simply nothing outside of their world which can hurt them. I also believe this is why Rye was taking this whole situation so hard. While looking for Matthew with the intention of taking a peek into his subconscious, we instead found Rye along with Nia and Jens tied up with several thick pieces of rebar leftover from construction. Nia and Jens, while far stronger than your average human, are not quite as invincible as a vampire and are still susceptible to massive blows to the head. They were both unconscious when we found them. Rye on the other hand, who under normal circumstances should have been able to break free from the iron fetters easily, had been drained and apparently the effects were lingering.

He was sitting in Ántonia's study along with the entire Council, trying to explain what had happened. He was also trying to do so without damaging his ego.

"I swear, I was watching Sarah with Felix and then Jane asked me to come see Matthew with her. I went in the room, but I saw Nia and Jens were already in there so I was about to say something to Jane and before I could turn around I was on the ground…it was…"

"It was Jane?"

"Yeah. Her power is no longer a lost memory. It was exactly as I remember it." He shuddered as he remembered the pain. This was what, the second or third time she'd used her ability on Rye? Poor thing.

"Then what happened?"

"Within the next second Sarah and Noah along with Felix, Demetri, and Alec were in the room with us. Sarah knocked out Nia and Jens. She was_ not_ kidding when she said she was strong." The evidence of that was all over Nia and Jens. Their bruises were nearly a black shade of purple. Fortunately, their injuries were purely physical and they didn't have any weaknesses to their strength or agility. At least Noah's statement about only using his ability on one person at a time was accurate – or maybe it only worked on vampires. We didn't know for certain. "After the Jane experience it was dark for a while, that must have been Alec." He knew his ability as well? Damn it…and after he fixed my mobile so nicely. "The lights came back on and everyone was gone, but I couldn't…move…." Rye rubbed one of his wrists with the opposite hand where the rebar had been wrapped. He didn't have any visible bruises or any kind of marks, but his anxiety dwelled in something much deeper. As a result of Noah's drain he was abnormally slow in all his movements and it made him extremely uncomfortable. Alina kept taking his hands and tried to relax him, but he wasn't responding well. Vulnerability does not go with an invincibility complex. Luckily, the effects did not appear to be permanent. An hour ago Rye was trapped by rebar and now he could at least bend it with his hands. We all estimated he'd be back to normal within 24 hours. It would weaken us as a whole however, and we had much bigger problems at hand.

Not only were Matthew, Noah, and Sarah gone, they had escaped with our reformed Volturi protégées. Even worse Jane and the others had obviously helped them to escape. Tani was in the most distress over them.

"Rye, you've been with the guard the entire time. Did you hear anything? See anything that would indicate this…plan?"

I wondered if Tani had thought of using the word betrayal, but couldn't bring herself to do it. No one had spoken ill of our little double-crossers yet and I could understand why. We loved them, and more than anything it hurt that they would abandon their family.

"Nothing. I promise. We all know they've been uneasy since Demetri rediscovered his ability, but since the Volturi have been here they've been perfect. They did their jobs flawlessly and without a single complaint." That should have been a dead giveaway. Although I wasn't happy about this situation, I was secretly glad I didn't have to use my ability on anyone. I was barely holding myself together. Each passing second was agonizing to me. My thoughts felt like they were crushing me with the weight of the anxiety it was causing me. I felt like a terrible person, even amongst all this turmoil I could barely be distracted from my own pain.

"I can't believe they would do this," Tani whispered. Their actions had truly broken her heart. I wasn't sure her heart could handle many more disappointments.

"Jane came to see me last night…" It was only _last_ night? God, time passes so slowly when you don't sleep. "She told me she was sorry, and that she loved me as a sister. Why would she say that if she was planning to double-cross us?"

"She also said she didn't want secrets any longer. I just wanted to protect them. They've been so happy and I just couldn't bear…" Tani's words faded away. The Volturi, which I supposed could now include everyone who had left, had truly crippled both our strength and our morale. Rye, Jens, and Nia were certainly down for the count which weakened their counterparts, Alina, Marthe, and Kwame. Tani was distraught, and even though they didn't know it, I wouldn't be good for much of anything right now. Only Cristian and Natalie had any spirit left in them, and they were angry enough for the rest of us.

"Come on, get a hold of yourselves! You can't honestly be all that shocked by this," Natalie said harshly. "Despite how much you all might have trusted them, they betrayed us! We shouldn't be sitting here wallowing. We need to take some action."

"Natalie is right," Cristian agreed. He was agreeing with her a lot lately – more than they had in the entire time they've known each other.

"We need to find them now. They are dangerous. Alina, can you tell us where they are?"

Alina offered a pained look uncharacteristic of herself. Seeing Rye suffer was causing her a great deal of pain as well.

"They've moved west. They're moving very quickly. The only one I can still see is Jane."

"That's great. Thanks," Natalie said like a sarcastic ten-year-old. I was in too fragile a state to allow her biting remarks.

"Natalie, shut-up. It's not her fault."

"Whatever, we shouldn't be sitting here wasting time. We need to get to them before they hurt anyone else."

I'd never heard Natalie speak as though she was thinking on behalf of someone else. Perhaps I had judged her too soon.

"Why didn't they just kill us? They had the chance," Jens said out of turn.

I noticed Alina, Marthe, and Kwame all cringe at his question. Simply mentioning the danger they had been in hurt their loved ones to think about. Of course, this caused me to be enveloped by my miserable and overwhelming thoughts once more. I held my arms tightly against my body trying to keep the image of Jacob's face from causing me to collapse.

"Because they know we don't have a case against them. We could go after them, but what grounds do we have to arrest them, or punish them for that matter? If they killed any of you, they know there would be repercussions. As it stands, we can't kill them." Tani said solemnly. A spontaneous moment of silence followed her words. Cristian was the once to break the calm.

"If they were so sure they were going to win then why didn't they just wait for their verdict?"

"Maybe they do have a plan and they didn't want to risk Nessie seeing it. Jane would have certainly known that was possible," Natalie said calmly. Her logic was actually quite sound.

"Well, their plan wasn't to uproot the Council. The best time to strike would be right now." Everyone glanced around the room quickly – probably using their senses to see if they were anywhere nearby.

"They are nowhere in the vicinity. I am certain," Alina gently reassured the room.

"Then what are they after?" Natalie asked. It was Rye who came up with the answer. I would have come up with it sooner if my head was making sense to me.

"The Cullens."

"My parents?" I said too quickly.

"That's what we've thought from the very beginning, right? They were turned to combat the only formidable coven around. They couldn't do it without Jane and the others though. Maybe that's why Peyton hid it for so long. He was trying to protect Jane, Alec, Demetri, and Felix, and ultimately, you, Nessie."

Oh god…why did it all seem so very obvious now?

"I have to call them," I said breathlessly.


	23. Cause I'm Picking Up A Message Lord

A/N: "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." – William Dement, _in Newsweek, 1959_

**Chapter VIII: Cause I'm Picking Up a Message Lord  
**

I think it may have given my mother a heart attack when I called her. It wasn't because of the potential danger which could be arriving on their doorstep at any moment. No, my family actually took that news quite well. Several of them were even excited by the prospect of a fight. Instead, the reason for my mother's concern was the shakiness of my voice and how heavy my breathing sounded as I tried to explain the situation. To quell some of her trepidation, I attributed it to being worried about them and having a bad connection. I was as poor a liar as my mother. Truthfully, my erratic behavior was coming from an onslaught of visions of Jacob that I hadn't revealed to anyone. She swallowed my lie and didn't press the issue and promised me they would be safe. I'm pretty sure I heard Uncle Emmett sounding as excited as a kid at Christmas in the background.

We debated heavily on whether it would be better for them to split up or stay together. If they split up it would be harder for Demetri to find each of the couples, but if they were caught they would have no chance of survival. We decided finally it would be best if the entire family stayed together, but to get out of Forks. We hoped they could lead the Volturi back into Europe where we could take them on all together. Alina had lost the group's location most likely because they had hopped a plane and were crossing the ocean. Fortunately, Alice hadn't seen a hint of danger and therefore the family was very confident about their safety.

My mother also mentioned she would inform Jacob of the situation and he and the pack could watch over Grandpa Charlie and Sue. My throat practically burned with the impulse to ask about him, but I was able to refrain. I figured if anything even remotely related to my dreams had occurred my mother would have told me.

Somehow, even with this reassurance Jacob was fine and safe and healthy, the visions remained as sharp as ever. It was late now and well into my second night without sleep. I was alone in my bedroom attempting to find things to distract myself. Reading required too much concentration, listening to any kind of music just increased the pressure in my head, even the mobile was no longer providing any comfort. All I could do was lie in my bed and try to keep my heart rate at a reasonable speed.

_My heart became the only sound I heard. Other than that, the forest was completely silent. Honestly, the silence was a little unsettling to me. Usually, the forest was filled with the noises of the earth and even when it was quiet my ears could pick up even the tiniest sound. _

_I began walking forward at a slower pace. A shady feeling of dread crept down into my stomach filling me with uneasiness. As I continued walking I began to realize what this feeling of uneasiness really was. I had never felt anything like it before and that was the reason it took me so long to understand it. I was being followed, more significantly, I was being hunted. _

_Impulsively, I started moving a little faster. I couldn't see or hear anything behind me or beside me, but my instincts screamed something was around me. I started running to the beat of my own heart until it became so out of control I couldn't keep up with it. My lungs ached so harshly I had to stop. I leaned against a large tree and hoped whatever I had been running from needed a break as well. I was breathing so fast I practically choked on the air as it entered my throat. _

_Then through the darkness and the haziness of the heavy air, I saw him. My Jacob…_

_He was crouched down among the flora of the forest floor. It was a recognizable position, one I had seen many times while we were hunting. His back was to me and I was certain he wasn't what I had been running from. No, not at all. In fact, my heart exploded with joy at the sight of him. He was strong again, and poised with a palpable energy eager to take something on. I was more than ready to begin running again; certain that when I reached him I would feel safe and my fears destroyed. Before I could, I noticed him twitch and a small growl hummed through his chest. Something else stepped out of the shadows. Something fairly short and thin and indistinguishable in the darkness – apart from its eyes which were practically glowing a strained and wretched crimson. _

_Before I could blink, Jacob had pounced and the small figure had managed to dodge him. Jacob leapt again and again, but the figure was too fast and appeared like it was toying with him. _

"_Phase…"I tried to yell, but it just came out as a whisper. "Phase!" I tried again. Despite my efforts Jacob's form remained the same. He'd never be able to protect himself if he didn't become a wolf. The red-eyed figure ended its apparent game and began a more aggressive assault. It moved behind Jacob and kicked him in the back. I felt the air rush out of my chest as if it had happened to me as well. The figure moved in front of Jacob and punched him against his jaw and Jacob fell to the ground. My jaw dropped in horror. Finally, Jacob received a harsh kick to his chest and abdomen and I was certain my heart broke physically and metaphorically at that moment. _

"_Jacob, please!" I begged. The two continued to ignore me and I decided I couldn't stand by anymore. It was too hard, it was like torture watching Jacob struggle through this fight. Despite my lack of breath I bolted forward without a plan or a thought as to how I could stop this. I possessed no greater power than any vampire. I felt like I was moving at a fast speed, but I wasn't fast enough. In a slow and meticulous manner the figure took Jacob's arm and raised it to its chin. It was then a second discernible characteristic flashed before my eyes, its teeth. While small, they shone brightly even with no visible moon overhead. _

"_No…" I attempted to yell; however, I think the word came out more like a grunt with all my heavy breathing surrounding it. I was so close – closer then I'd ever gotten to him before. I had to reach him. I had to…if I didn't…_

_I saw its white gleaming teeth pass through Jacob's tanned skin easily and quickly. I saw them again within another beat of my heart only they were now stained with the same red of his eyes. Jacob…my Jacob…was motionless…_

"No!" I heard myself say at a much louder volume than the moment before. I felt a cool hand to my forehead and a soothing voice break through the silence.

"Nessie, it is alright. You were dreaming. I could hear you from the other room. You are safe, everyone is safe."

"No…" I said again. The coolness of Alina's hand helped very little. My head ached and felt like it was about to burst. I wondered if I had a fever. Only Jacob would be able to tell that...oh _God_...Jacob. This was why I feared sleep. The dream had progressed from seeing Jacob in pain to seeing…I underestimated that initial ache. The one I felt when I replayed the dream erupted through my entire body. I was nearly certain my head must have split in two.

"Nessie, what happened? Tell me, please," Alina begged softly and with obvious concern.

"I can't stay here anymore."


	24. And I'm Getting Closer

**Chapter IX: And I'm Getting Closer **

I had really grown to detest plane rides. It may have been the fastest form of travel but it just wasn't fast enough. I still had to spend hours attempting to distract myself from the awful thoughts I had moving around my head. It was all quite a futile attempt and I must have looked either crazy or very ill. I hadn't slept more than a few hours in days and I hadn't showered either. I could barely speak. I could barely breathe. It was like being held in a vice and every time I thought I had become used to the pressure it managed to constrict itself further.

As I sat on the plane I had closed my eyes and pretended to sleep so the flight attendants would leave me alone, but there was no way in hell I would allow myself to fall asleep again. The last dream had all but killed me; my nerves were most certainly gone. I had left the Council in such a confused panic I think Alina and the others must have been convinced I had lost my mind.

"Nessie, your parents will be here soon. You should stay here," Alina attempted to quietly convince me.

"I can't…I just can't…" I panted nonsensically. I had no reason to be so out of breath, at least no reason that anyone could see.

"Nessie! We won't let you run off by yourself! That is the least safe thing you could possibly do." Rye was now yelling at me. Doesn't he know better than to yell at a crazy person? It doesn't help anything.

"He might be in danger," I muttered. Alina asked the obvious question slowly like she was talking to a crazed lunatic. I may have been a crazed lunatic.

"Who is in danger?"

"I can't…" I couldn't make myself say the words. The dream was excruciating to witness let alone explain to another person. I had been hurrying down the corridor towards the main exit when Rye authoritatively stepped in front of me. He was significantly stronger than he had been a few hours ago. He wasn't quite as fast as he should have been but he still had an edge over me. Alina was only a few steps behind, but she had to run to keep up with us. I turned back to her instead of yelling at Rye. "You said I wasn't being held hostage here."

"You are not, but you are obviously upset at something and I do not know what it is. Tell me what is happening and I will help you."

"The only thing that will help is if you let me go. I have to get to him." I was still breathing heavily and a little surprised my lungs hadn't collapsed from the hours of strain on them. Alina looked me over and I could tell she was struggling with the right decision because she knew very well who I had meant by "him." She had been in my same position once a year and a half ago. We all told her the most dangerous thing she could do would be to stay with Rye during his trial, but there wasn't anything natural or supernatural which could keep her away. She slowly stepped towards me in her human like way and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I refrained from hugging her back because I was unsure I could control my strength or my thoughts.

"Please be careful," she whispered to me and then pulled away. She took Rye's hand and pulled him beside her. His eyes were darting back and forth with disapproval. Alina just held his hand tighter and became the only thing on this planet which could hold him still. I rushed out the door and didn't look back. I didn't even promise to be careful as Alina had begged of me. How could I? I didn't know what I would be going home to. It also didn't matter in the least.

Of course, the very large distance and immense length of time between Romania and Forks left me with plenty of time to second guess myself. One of the last things Jacob had said to me was, "Don't come back." Then my mother gave me no indication that Jacob wanted or needed me to come back. I knew it was over. I knew he didn't want me anymore. In spite of this, the dreams had sapped me of any strength I may have possessed and even if he hated me all the more for ignoring his wishes I no longer had the capacity to obey them. I would not be able to survive if I couldn't get to him and see with my own eyes that he was safe. I was always the selfish one and I was sure now I always would be.

I had to get a cab to drive me home because I was too tired and too, well, out of my mind to handle running all the way home. The cab driver just became another one of the many who thought I looked crazy. I ran into the house momentarily and found it to be empty. I had an overwhelming rush of nostalgia and wished very much someone would have been at home. Yet at the same time I was pleased to see they had followed my direction and would be safely in Romania where there would be several vampires and supernatural creatures alike who would protect them. What they would do when they found out I wasn't there…well…I almost made myself laugh when I imagined how angry my parents would be.

I stepped out into the backyard and let myself breathe in the humid and clean air. It was providing more relief to my aching lungs than I expected. Perhaps it was because it was fulfilling one of the aspects of my dream. The momentary relief was surpassed quickly by a feeling of dread which buckled my knees and forced me to the ground. If this memory was fulfilled, what else could be? Had I made an incredible mistake in coming here? But I had no ability to predict the future. And at this point, it didn't matter. I decided the initial relief could be a good sign. It meant that when I saw Jacob, as I desperately needed, my mind might be healed. The horrible thoughts might finally be alleviated.

I lifted my head and tried very hard to listen to the environment. It was fairly quiet. I could still hear the sound of the river and the call of the owls and chirping of the crickets. I could smell the pine and the mountains and the sweet smells of my family criss-crossed over the landscape. The usual sounds and smells of dusk. It chipped away at my heart when I realized I did not smell Jacob anywhere, which meant I had no trail to follow. Jacob was fairly predictable so he could only be in one of two places. I decided first to check our little corner of the world…that is, what could have been our little corner of the world.

Running wasn't easy. It was just shy of painful really and I didn't think it had ever been that way before. I was just too tired and the dreams hadn't relinquished their hold on my thoughts or my body even when I was closer to Jacob than ever. As I continued deeper into the forest I picked up some familiar scents apart from my family members. I could sense Leah and Seth and Paul and Quil in various places. I couldn't smile though because I still didn't sense Jacob. My nerves tingled with anticipation of knowing he had to be nearby and I hadn't yet sensed him.

Some more minutes passed and I was now only a couple miles from the Jacob's dream cabin. It was in this short distance I realized I hadn't thought at all about what I might say when I actually saw him. I was too concerned with the dreams to plan out such things. It was too late now.

I heard the most peculiar sound when I was half a mile away from the clearing. The sound startled me so much I stopped running as I analyzed it. It was the ripping scream of some kind of machinery. Summing up my courage I jogged forward and stood at the edge between the trees and the clearing. It was a table saw I had heard tearing apart sheets of plywood. Standing at the end of the sheet without wearing the proper eye protection was Jacob. I wasn't sure if it was him or what he was doing, but the image so enamored me I began walking forward without preparing myself for whatever kind of reunion we might have.

As I approached him some of the muscles in my face felt strangely sore. It was because I was smiling and I hadn't done so in a long time. Jacob finished ripping through the sheet of plywood and set both halves aside. He leaned over to pick up another sheet but stopped midway when he saw me. I froze. All this desperate anticipation and pain and agony I had suffered through and I couldn't move. However, I could…breathe. Finally, my lungs remembered how to work.

"Nessie? What the hell?"

I heard Jacob say. I sucked in some air to aid my voice, but I still couldn't think properly. I had so much to say and explain and I didn't know if he wanted to hear any of it.

"Your parents aren't here," he explained.

"I know," I said.

Jacob squinted his eyes at me and his forehead wrinkled. He didn't look angry, more like he was trying to understand what he was seeing.

"What's the matter?" He took a few steps towards me. The sun was nearly gone and he probably needed to get closer to get a better look at me. I remembered the last time we spoke I was suffering from a lack of sleep as well. I probably wasn't a very beautiful sight to behold. He was…he was perfect. He hadn't changed at all.

"You're okay?" I managed to choke out.

His head cocked to the side with increased confusion. As his scent began to wash over me my senses became overwhelmed. After seeing such horrific and crushing visions to see him alive and safe was just…I could never explain the complete joy in my heart. My heart rate increased in a familiar way and I began rambling on incoherently, "You're okay…you're here…"

"Nessie, tell me what's happening? You don't look well."

"You're okay…" Why did I keep repeating that? God, I was getting sick of being crazy. Jacob spoke to me very slowly just as Alina had.

"Yeah…"

"You weren't okay. I couldn't stop it…I kept seeing…I kept dreaming…visions…flashes…I...I can't explain them. I couldn't get them out of my head." Sure Jacob, try and make some sense out of that.

"Visions of what?"

"Of you…I think it was you…I was never sure, but what else could it be? You were in pain, you…you were hurt. And then you were…and I couldn't get to you! I tried, and I tried, and I tried, but I couldn't reach you! I swear I tried!"

"Nessie, relax. Everything is fine. I'm okay. I don't know what you were seeing, but I'm fine."

"You're fine…"

Jacob still looked more confused than anything, but happily I think some of my fear and confusion was finally leaving me.

"Oh Jake…I…" I began sentimentally. The sentence didn't finish itself that way though. "What…ugh…ah…god no!" I half screamed as I grasped at my forehead. A pain more acute and more forceful than anything I had ever experienced exploded within my head. The visions of Jacob, although I knew they were untrue, kept repeating themselves over and over and I couldn't compel them to slow down. I had collapsed to my knees and I didn't feel like I had any control over my physiological functions anymore. My heart was too fast and my muscles shook violently. Jacob was yelling at me trying to understand but my hearing was too sensitive and his voice only increased the pressure. No dream or thought I had ever had produced such a painful and uncontrollable response. It didn't even feel like my head anymore. My eyes fluttered as I opened them and I wasn't sure if I was seeing something real or if it was all in my head…but I saw something very familiar come out from the shadows.


	25. Before You Stood Up

Peyton's POV

**Chapter X: Before You Stood Up  
**

_A few months ago…_

The Council knew something was going on. As much as I forced myself to pretend everything was fine I sensed their concern about me. It was because they believed me to be such a trustworthy and level-headed leader they hadn't yet questioned my behavior. They probably should have.

I had heard the rumors of the three hidden vampires turned by the Volturi while I was living in Volturra; everyone had. There was practically a pool going as to guess who they were and why they were hidden. I should have known there was more to the secret than we could even fathom. Secrets about vampires are never good. It was only after Nessie told us about Aro's immortal children that I began to wonder more about those hidden vampires. There wasn't really any character trait a vampire could possess which would require it to be hidden, except the vampire's age. We had never thought such an abominable act was possible of our Volturi leaders – that is, until Nessie exposed them. Then again, the vampire world had been quiet about immortal children for quite a long time. Such a find would have sent shock waves throughout the supernatural world. This meant if they did exist, they were hidden very well.

I spent months researching homicide and missing persons reports trying to find some sort of pattern. I must have looked over hundreds of cases on serial killers, but they were never in the right timeline or they were in too crowded an area. I almost gave up my search when I came across a strange case coming out of Novosibirsk, the largest city in Siberia. There had been an increase in homicides continuously for the last decade. Every murder appeared to be random. That was just too coincidental.

I went out to Novosibirsk not long after that, by myself, because I believed it was still too sensitive a subject matter to bring to the entire Council. I didn't even know if I would find anything. Luckily, or unluckily, they weren't hard to find. No one had ever been looking. They weren't well practiced in keeping their trails hidden and it only took me two days to track them down. As prepared as I was to find immortal children, I was still shocked to see him. Matthew was probably the most astonishing thing I'd ever seen. He was a child by modern definition, but his mind was not. He spoke well and intelligently. He even understood that his existence was controversial and took special care to go unnoticed. I was also as surprised as they were to find they needed to be told the Volturi had been killed. I decided then, that Matthew was self-controlled enough and he did not require a trial or punishment. The sins lied with the Volturi. Matthew had no power over his fate. They promised they would continue as they were, but they would spend some time traveling and enjoying their freedom.

I made my way back to Romania with every intention of explaining what had happened to the Council and how the immortal child might be a possibility, but as I was traveling I was plagued with the strangest and most disturbing thoughts. When I imagined explaining Matthew's existence I saw the Council accepting him, but vampires outside the Council did not. At first I saw them argue against us, then plan attacks, then all out fights over the fate of this one vampire. Then I thought of Jane and her brothers and the return of their pasts and their evil personalities. I saw them, along with other vampires, destroy the Council and everything we had fought and striven for. The thoughts caused me to act abnormally. I was late for meetings, abrupt with the other members. I was edgy and nervous, and so afraid if I revealed anything those thoughts would come true. I couldn't go back on my word to Matthew, Noah, and Sarah. I was sure I had done the right thing. Their human lives had been stolen from them and I couldn't steal their lives away once more just because I feared for my own life. I was a leader, and I had a responsibility to them.

And then the papers showed another string of attacks in Zurich – random and grizzly and obviously supernatural. I decided I needed to step in and I decided again I would go alone. I couldn't get anyone else involved in this very complex situation. Once again, their trails were easy to follow. They never did learn how to move inconspicuously. I found them hiding in a condemned building. It once was a bank with thick gray stone walls. I thought of myself walking into a castle as I entered it. Why vampires gravitate towards castles, I don't think I'll ever completely understand. I noticed, right away, they didn't seem at all surprised to see me. It was a trap, and I had fallen into it, too easily.

"Hello Peyton. How have you been? Had any unsettling thoughts lately? Making you act a little weird?" Sarah said with a knowing smile.

"What did you do to me?"

"Oh, that's just our dear little Matty. It's a secret so don't tell anyone, but he has a really good imagination," she whispered the last part of the sentence to me and her grin increased. So all the thoughts that had enveloped me, while they were my own, had been distorted by him and his own twisted mind. I should have known better. Aro always knew what he was doing.

"People are so convinced they are safe within own minds. How very naïve," Matthew said with a monotone inflection.

I had been blinded by his innocence and my compassion for his situation. I prayed the Council would not be as easily fooled.

"Tell us about the immortal child," Noah demanded of me.

"What immortal child?"

"Don't be stupid," Sarah seethed at me.

I wasn't trying to be stupid. I honestly didn't know to what they were inferring. A moment later another realization finally dawned on me. Nessie…I had never thought of her as an immortal child, but Aro did. Nessie's power was in the mind as well, and this child of Aro's would be the one combat her. So that was the purpose of these hidden vampires.

"Tell us where it is or we'll kill you."

"You'll kill me either way."

"Well, he's got us there, Noah." She smirked at Noah and his shoulders shook with laughter.

"Why are you doing this? The Volturi are dead. You're free, and you will be accepted by the Council. We can support and protect you. We don't think of you as possessions, we will not exploit you." Matthew stepped forward from the darkness and spoke to me in way which could have been Aro himself.

"I was created with a purpose, and I will seek to fulfill that purpose. We all have our destinies. It's too bad you will be meeting yours so soon."

I moved to fight, but my legs were bizarrely slow. I saw the three of them snicker at my movements. I heard the crack of wood as Sarah smashed into the floorboards. She picked two of the planks and knocked them together while her tongue ran over her pointy white teeth.


	26. You Said What You Have To Now

**Chapter XI: You Said What You Have To  
**

"Jane…," I managed to whisper through my very ragged breathing. Jacob whipped his body around and crouched down beside me protectively. No…he shouldn't do that. That was another part of one of the visions – the visions which were appearing so rapidly and with such intensity it consumed every part of me. My hands clutched each of my temples, but it did nothing to help the flashing memories or the tense aches which rippled through my body. I tried to say something to Jacob about not crouching, but it only came out as breathless panting. It wouldn't have made sense anyway.

Jane was a few yards off standing at the edge of the clearing just as I had been. Jacob's body didn't relax when he saw her. He knew to be afraid of her. He probably thought it was Jane who was causing me to groan in pain. I could understand why he would come to that conclusion, but it didn't seem quite right. Jane had the ability to create an illusion of pain, but my pain was stemming from the images I was seeing. To see Jacob…die…over and over again, was putting a strain on my heart I wasn't sure I could handle much longer.

"What's going on?" Jacob growled loudly. Jane didn't answer. I saw Jacob's body stiffen a moment later. It was because Jane was no longer alone. From the edge of the woods Alec, Felix, and Demetri stepped forward, and then Sarah, Noah, and Matthew followed behind them. As I looked up at Jane I was reminded of her appearance when I saw her in my room only a few nights ago. There had been something strange about her then. Something I didn't understand and I still didn't want to believe. Even with the knowledge that she had betrayed us, as I saw her standing there among those who murdered Peyton I couldn't believe her heart was as dark as theirs. The only comfort I could hold onto was that her eyes were not red yet. She hadn't abandoned all that she had been taught.

"So, is this the guy?"

I heard Sarah say as they began to cross the clearing. Jacob moved as close to me as he possibly could. I could hear his heart beating a hundred times slower than mine was at the moment. I tried to focus on that sound…I needed to memorize it…I couldn't stand to forget it again.

"Yes, that's him."

I heard…someone say. I couldn't discern who it was. All I could focus on was Jacob's heart. It was the only thing keeping my mind the least bit controlled.

"He looks like fun." Okay, so I could still tell that was Sarah. They were near us now – partially encircling us.

"You all need to get off my property, immediately," Jacob said with harsh severity. It didn't receive the right response. I heard Sarah giggle and then saw her look over to her counterparts to see if they were laughing as well. They were all smiling, but they weren't laughing. Everyone except Jane, she was completely serious.

"Jake…get out…please…" I begged him through my groaning. I said it more loudly than I would have liked, but I had lost all control.

"I'm not leaving you," he whispered back to me. Why would he choose now of all times not to listen? The vision displayed Jacob's death to me once more, and then again. But his heart was still beating – as strong and comforting as ever.

"Jacob…please," I begged him again.

"Oh yes, Jacob feel free to run. I like a chase," Sarah said in a mocking tone. Noah rolled his eyes at her.

"Enough, Sarah. We're not here for her boyfriend."

"Oh, but please, it would be so much fun to see the look on her face as I tear him limb from limb." Each set of their shiny white teeth were glistening against the heavy moon which hung in the sky.

"No!" I heard myself say. I think everyone was as surprised by it as I was. I don't know where I found the strength throughout my mind's confusion. Perhaps it was Jacob; he was always granting me strength. "Don't touch him. You came here for me." The thoughts somehow lessened their intensity, but just barely. It was enough that I was able to speak with a small amount of authority and coherency.

"Matthew, what do you think?" Noah asked the hateful child.

"Let Sarah chase him. We know how she likes her games."

Sarah's face lit up with a huge toothy grin. As long as Jacob had a chance to run I knew he would be okay. He wouldn't survive if he stayed and tried to protect me. He could fight one vampire, but not seven. Jacob turned his body slightly so he could look at my face.

"Nessie, what are you doing?"

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I led them here, it's all my fault. It's always my fault…I know it is…Listen to me now. Run. Please." I didn't want to let him go. Not when I finally reached him, could touch him, could hear his voice, and listen to his heart. But even more than my desperate desire to be near him again, I would give my life to save him. If the visions had taught me anything, I could do that. I had to do that. There wasn't any other choice for me.

"Go on Jacob, and don't forget to phase."

Both Jacob and I looked to see who had spoken. It was Jane who issued the command. She had said it so plainly and so casually it sounded strange in this very tense situation. I was reminded of my dream when I had begged Jacob to phase so he could protect himself…hold on, even in my less than sane state of mind I could tell something wasn't making sense here. Why would Jane tell Jacob to phase?

"Phase? What the hell are you talking about, Jane?" Sarah asked. She didn't know the term for Jacob's transformation? Did that mean she didn't know Jacob could transform? That would have to mean Jane and her brothers never told the Volturi what Jacob was.

I grabbed the fabric of Jacob's t-shirt and pulled his ear down to my face. Jacob didn't like being in such a vulnerable position when surrounded by several vampires, but it was important for what I was going to say.

"Jacob, don't hurt Jane and her brothers."

"What?"

"Trust me, don't hurt them," I whispered as softly as I could. I wasn't sure if the Volturi had heard me, but I doubted they would understand what I meant. Jacob gave me silent nod and looked over my face for too long. His heart had picked up speed. "Go," I whispered to him at last. He stood up slowly and his body shook when he was standing fully. I knew what was coming. Was it really possible they didn't? Jacob started backing up from the half-circle that had surrounded us and then ran into the dark and endless forest. Sarah gave Matthew a look of glee and gratitude and took off after him. Jacob would be able to take her on, I was certain. He would be safe. It was the only thing that mattered.

"Now, on to you," Matthew said to me in his adult tone which still didn't fit his too-high voice.

"Why are you doing this? I've done nothing to you."

"Nothing? You call destroying my entire family, nothing?"

Knowing Jacob had a good chance of survival was giving me a wonderful surge of adrenaline. Before, when I had been seeing Jacob's potential death my body only responded with the sorrow I would feel if it actually happened. Jacob wasn't dead, he was very much alive, and his will to fight fed my own.

"The Volturi were never a family to you. You didn't even know them."

"You stole them away from me. You stole them away from Jane, and Alec, and Demetri and Felix. You stole them from Sarah and Noah. They were the only family any of us knew."

"They were corrupt. They couldn't be trusted to lead."

"The Volturi may have been corrupted by power, but yours is corrupted by fear. You're so afraid of your own natures you couldn't even destroy an immortal child. Your government possesses no power."

"At least we recognize the abuse of power."

Matthew nodded his head and stepped closer to me. The strength which had been growing within me was suddenly exhausted and my limbs were astoundingly heavy. The sounds of the forest went quiet and the lights went dim. Noah's eyes were narrow with concentration as he looked at me. I was being drained. I would have no ability to fight anymore.

Just as I had comprehended this action the visions returned with a ferocious intensity. There were new ones there now. It was no longer just Jacob. I saw the Council members being ripped apart by their fear and a new age of power-driven sociopath vampires usurping their position. My family was stalked one by one until each was brutally burned and left to nothing but dust. I had to see every horrid and malicious thought brought to life and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I could no longer hold myself up and I was lying against the cool grass. My eyes were only partially open and my breathing had actually slowed. However, now it was too slow.

Matthew was standing over me looking pleased and anxious to finish what he had come here to do. "The Volturi gave me this power and I will repay them by fulfilling my duty to them. Beginning with you."

I closed my eyes and prepared myself for a blow or a bite, or something. Whatever he intended to do next, it was interrupted. I used the miniscule amount of strength I had left to open my eyes. Matthew was virtually frozen next to me. His eyes were wide and frightened and had recovered whatever innocence had been lost in his change from human to vampire. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and as I fell into the darkness of my broken consciousness I was sure I heard an emphatic howl.


	27. And I Hope You Feel Better

Jacob's POV

**Chapter XII: And I Hope You Feel Better  
**

Even as I was telling her not to come back a month ago, I expected I would see her again. I mean, for God's sake my anger wasn't making me completely delusional. She was my imprint after all. She was the gravity that held me to the earth and gave me a sense of completeness I would never find with any other being…blah, blah, blah, that whole thing. Every time I had imagined seeing her again since she left, I had never imagined her to look like she had. I had never seen her that way – so, confused and lost and distraught. I couldn't help being reminded of myself. I knew what it was like to torn apart from the inside. Nessie had even been the cause of it at one time, but that didn't mean I ever wanted her to feel that way, to go through that same experience. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone Nessie.

"What happened to her?" I whispered across the room. Although, I don't think a 76-piece band would have woken her up.

"I suppose you could call it a mental-breakdown."

Jane and I were sitting in Nessie's room in her parent's cottage. It felt like it had been a long time since I'd sat in the familiar space. Jane's brothers were out with the pack, running surveillance at first, but now there was nothing to survey. They were probably playing games and awaiting the Cullen's return.

Nessie was lying quietly and I hoped comfortably in her very own bed. She had collapsed just after I had left her and before the pack took care of the Volturi. I was oddly glad she had missed the more obscene portions of the fight. Although I knew she had been witness to many acts of wretched violence, I didn't like to think of her innocence being lost or her mind being corrupted.

"She was talking about seeing me in pain or even…dead. Something about visions?"

"The young vampire, Matthew."

"The kid?" Man, that little vampire was creepy. He may have been self-controlled, but it didn't make him any less crazy. Adolescent minds just cannot handle immortality.

"As a human he possessed a remarkable imagination, this is what caught Aro's attention. As a vampire he did as well; although, it was remarkable in a very different fashion. He could take memories and distort them with his imagination. He tainted Nessie's memories of you and planted new ones in her mind."

"So, she wasn't in control." I didn't know if this was good news or bad news. I didn't like that Nessie's mind had been taken over, but at least she wasn't going through that same crushing depression I had. I didn't want her to ever be in pain. It killed me to leave her unprotected during the skirmish, but there had been something in her voice I trusted. Even after all the anger and disappointments I had suffered through, I couldn't refuse her. Maybe I never would.

"Not exactly. Matthew's mind was extremely corrupt and vile. I can't imagine what he was making her see. Between that and the fact that she has a highly developed consciousness it must have been unbearable. Eventually, her mind couldn't take it anymore."

"Is she going to be alright?" I asked immediately. She'd been asleep for only an hour, but I was still concerned. It's not like I could take her to the hospital and tell them she had been having visions. It sounded crazy to me and I could turn into an animal.

"I think so. She just needs to rest. Being drained is a very uncomfortable experience. Noah let me in on it. Losing your strength lingers for a while. Her body and her mind just need time to recoup."

I pulled a blanket over her body. She was running a little cooler than normal; funny that I should be concerned when she's not running a fever. When I first saw her across the field, my heart ached with worry at her frantic breathing and erratic heartbeat. Thankfully, her breathing was finally even and her heart rate had settled into its familiar rhythm. I had really missed the sound.

"The entire time, Nessie couldn't tell where the visions were coming from?"

"She thought she was just dreaming. And none of them knew about Matthew's power. I didn't know until I helped him and the Volturi escape."

I had been sitting on the floor next to Nessie's bed and I leaned my back against her night table to address Jane who was sitting at Nessie's desk. What she had accomplished was pretty extraordinary.

"So, first you betrayed the Council, and then you double-crossed the Volturi?"

"Basically," she said through a small smile.

"And no one knew?"

"I had to be convincing to the Volturi or they never would have trusted me enough to let me in on their plans."

"But why not tell the Council you were working as a double agent?"

"The Council was going to lose the case. There was no proof the Volturi were lying about Peyton's death and the Council would have had to let them go. Of course, everyone knew they were guilty and it was only a matter of time until they were assuredly guilty of something that we could punish them for. We can't punish someone for what they might do. If we had waited for them to strike Nessie might be dead. Once I understood the Volturi's plan, I knew she would go to you if she feared for your life. I also knew that we don't have jurisdiction over werewolves on their own land."

"You didn't tell them about the pack."

"They didn't ask." That was probably the most Jane-like thing I'd ever heard this version of Jane say. I would be glad if it were to be the last. I ran my hands over my face and couldn't believe how thankful I was this girl was on our side.

"But the memories of your past, you're okay with it?"

"I don't have firsthand memories back. Nessie refused to unblock them and I'm very grateful for it now. I only know what Sarah and the others told us. Even if I was part of the Volturi, no part of me wants that life anymore. I don't want to be Sarah or Noah or Matthew. Nessie and the Council are my family now. For them to accept me when I've hurt them so terribly, it's more than I could ever deserve. I'm glad I know my power now and I'm glad I'm no longer in the dark; but I don't want those memories. I love the Council and I will do anything to protect them." Actually, that last sentence may have been the most Jane-like thing I'd ever heard her say. This time, she didn't make me cringe like she used to be able to.

We both looked over to Nessie who appeared to be contentedly asleep. I could tell from the circles under her eyes she hadn't slept well in quite a while. My mind compared her to a fairytale as I thought of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. She was far more beautiful and special than any fairytale princess. Far braver as well; she sacrificed herself for me. The pack had managed to save us both, but she made sure that I would be able to escape. All the energy and efforts I had exerted to keep this kid alive were to be in vain from now on if she was going to go and throw herself in harm's way in my place. That's not how it was supposed to be, but then again I was hardly Prince Charming.

"So, she'll be back to herself when she wakes up."

"Most likely…" Jane stood up from the desk and sat on the floor across from me. She spoke quietly as if she didn't want Nessie to hear what she was saying. "Jacob, Matthew's ability aimed to warp the thing which Nessie cared for most. That is what would cause the most damage. And she truly didn't tell anyone what was happening to her. I think she believed herself capable of such thoughts."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, her heart was broken before she began seeing those horrible visions. She may have believed what was happening to her was her heart's own reaction to losing you."

I gulped at Jane's words. Like I said, I never wanted to see her in pain, hear of her in pain, just no pain in general. Edward warned me of this very situation, but I really believed Nessie was stronger than I had been. Deep down, I may have also believed she didn't love me enough to solicit such a reaction after our break-up. As twisted as this whole situation was and as much as I never would have wished it to come about this way, it caused a small part of me to hope. Hope that something good could come out of all this hurt and anger. Hope that somehow we could both mend our broken hearts.


	28. Let Go of My Hand

**Chapter XIII: Let Go Of My Hand  
**

_A howl in the distance. Red eyes surrounded me. The heavy air weighted down on my body. My lungs worked so slowly. Think of his heart…don't forget the sound… _

"Jacob? Jake? I murmured. I could barely hear my own voice. The room was very dimly lit, but I still felt the familiar strain as my eyes adjusted. Things were hazy for several moments until my eyesight cleared. I became suddenly aware of my throbbing head as I tried to sit up.

"Renesmee?" a concerned voice whispered to me. I recognized it easily. Only two people in the world called me Renesmee.

"Nessie? Lie still, we're here." My parents were standing on either side of my bed. I was in my own bed? How did I get here? For god's sake what happened? My crackling voice couldn't properly express my internal alarm. It came out as a hoarse whisper.

"What happened? What…"

"Shhh…everyone is fine. Everything is fine. The pack took care of the Volturi. Everyone is safe," my mother assured me quickly.

I glanced between the two of them. Their faces were matched in their level of anxiety. I tended to put my parents through quite a lot. Poor mom and dad. Thank goodness they can't literally have heart attacks. I cleared my throat and my voice was able to speak above a whisper.

"Jane?"

"They are safe as well – all four of them. They were working for the Council the entire time. They just didn't tell anyone that," my father explained to me.

I had believed Jane was trying to give me a signal before things got dark and I could no longer keep myself awake. It was a wonderful relief that I had been right. Thank God for Jane.

"Where are they?"

"They've already headed home I'm afraid. They couldn't wait to see the Council again, but they send their love and hope you're feeling better."

I fought my aches and pains and was able to pull myself up while my father gently pushed me backward so I could lean against the headboard. I was grateful for that because I immediately had an intense, dizzying head rush just from sitting up. My hands went to my eyes and massaged the top of both my eyelids.

"God…my head…I feel like someone is pounding away with a hammer on the inside of my skull."

"Jane said that should only be temporary. The drain apparently really takes it out you, but it wears off with rest."

"How long have I been out?" I swallowed. My mouth tasted like how wet towels smell when they get all mildew-y.

"About 32 hours."

"How long have you guys been here?"

"We got here a few hours ago."

"Where is Jacob?" The question had been reflexive. I half-regretted it right after I asked it. I knew I had no right to ask about him. He may not have even been the one to carry me back to the house or watch over me as I slept. What kind of torture was I trying to put myself through by daring to make such assumptions? Still, I had survived severe mental agony thus far; I think I could survive a little more.

"We don't know, dear. He stayed with you until we got back."

He was here? He was with me? Why couldn't I be conscious while he was with me? I had been thinking of him again as I slept. The dreams weren't remotely what they had been the past few nights. Now I was glad to see Jacob there because I knew he was safe. Some other more frightening memories managed to creep in, but I could keep them at bay as long as I remembered Jacob. My mother sat beside me on my bed.

"Renesmee, are you alright? Jane said you were having visions?"

God, the visions. In that instant they came rushing back and the dull throb in my head erupted into a sharp pressure. However, my breathing remained steady as I ran my hands over my forehead. The thoughts were still there; nevertheless, I was glad my basic motor functions were under my control once again.

My mother took one of my hands gently. Her face was wrinkled with worry. It made her age in a strange way. She really looked like my mother now as opposed to my sister.

"She said they were put there by Matthew. That was his ability."

Matthew put them there? So, he did have an ability. I groaned internally as I thought of Natalie's gloating face. I hated it when she was right.

"That's why he didn't phase. Oh, of course! God, why didn't I see it before?"

"What are you talking about?" my father asked with the tiniest hint of a smile. I knew how much he loved and hated decrypting my mother's words in order to get some insight at what she was thinking. What I had said was a completely random sentence and it must have intrigued him.

"In one of my dreams, I saw Jacob fighting a vampire and I kept yelling at him to phase, but he didn't. Matthew didn't know he was a werewolf so he couldn't make me see that. Jane never told him."

"Jane is a smart girl."

I nodded in agreement and leaned my head back. The visions were beginning to dissipate with these new realizations. Finally, my mind was once again my own.

"Are they still there?" my mother asked with quiet concern. Since the visions had been giving me panic attacks for the past few days I could understand why my mother feared bringing them up.

"Yes," I said softly. They were definitely still there although they had lost some of their severity. "But they are a little different from before. They're quieter and not as distinct."

"Oh…thank God," my mother breathed and then kissed the side of my head as tenderly as she could. Kissing it to make it better. My father's relieved smile did just as much to calm my thoughts.

"Jane mentioned they might lose their acuteness with Matthew gone, but…" my father slowed uncharacteristically.

"They'll always be there. I'm not going to forget them." I finished his sentence for him. Damn vampire memory.

"Yes, I'm sorry sweetheart," mother said and she kissed me once more. I turned towards her and asked,

"Can I try something?" Before she could answer I grasped my mother's hand with both of mine and tried to release a thought to her. Nothing special, just a memory of the three of us together in the woods. It seemed like a lifetime ago. My mother's eyes darted between my face and our hand – curious as to what I was trying to do. "Didn't you see that?"

"I didn't see anything, sweetheart."

"You couldn't see my thoughts?" My mother shook her head lightly and quickly spoke to reassure me once more.

"It's part of the drain, it will wear off. It may be taking longer because you're half-human, but I talked to Alina not long ago and she says Rye is back to his top speed. Don't worry."

"No, I wasn't worried, it's just…part of me wishes it would stay that way." I'm certain my parents didn't want me to be without abilities, not really. It would make me far more difficult to protect. However, if I didn't have all these abilities and responsibilities it would make things less…complicated.

"So, you're quite the danger magnet, huh? You get that from your mother you know."

"Not until I met you, dear."

"My point exactly," my parents quipped between each other.

"I'm sorry, things got way out of hand. I should have expected it I suppose. It happens every time I leave."

"You can't expect yourself to expect these things. We're spoiled, we live with Alice. Surprises are few and far between."

"I really don't do this to worry you guys. I promise."

"We know that, Nessie," my father said as he moved my hair behind one of my ears – as if I was a four year old.

My mother had taken back her hand and was staring at her fingertips. She even fiddled with her wedding ring. Deliberate fidgeting was never a good sign.

"Nessie, do you mind if I ask what you were seeing visions of? You don't have to tell me if it's upsetting to you."

Upsetting? There's an understatement. I had kept my dreams secret thus far. Now, it seemed ludicrous that I had done so. So many things could have been solved and avoided had I just told someone what was happening to me. I didn't want to admit the weakness to the Council, and perhaps even more, I didn't want to admit the weakness to myself. The weakness that my heart could be compromised so easily…then again, was that really even a weakness?

"Uh…like I said, I saw Jacob in my dreams. One time he was hurt, another time he was attacked, but every time I couldn't get to him. I couldn't save him."

"So, you really were hurting after breaking it off with Jacob."

"Uh…yeah…" I said lamely. The words didn't begin to encompass the emotional sorrow and physical pain I had gone through. My mother's reaction confused me a little. I would have imagined her rushing to get ice cream and ordering pizza so we could cry and wallow together. Well, maybe not ice cream and pizza, but the wallowing part for sure. Instead, she had stood up and moved to the window, Jacob's window really. She was leaning against the sill and I knew she was taking care to think about what to say next. My father ran a hand through his hair; his usual gesture for general discomfort. "What's the matter?"

"I'm…conflicted, Renesmee," my mother said in a single tone.

"About what?"

"I hate thinking of you suffering in any way, I'm sorry you were hurting. I'm sorry you were plagued these visions. However, I can't pretend you didn't have a hand in this." She was taking Jacob's side? I was honestly surprised, yet my incredulous response was due more to my immediate agreement with her statement. I knew it was my fault. I had readily accepted that by this point.

"Mom, don't you think you I know that?"

"I'm not sure you do," she said harshly.

I tried to think of a time when my parents truly yelled at me. I mean, all-out angry, rage-filled, yelling. There had never been a time. My stomach was nervous with guilt from disappointing them.

"Nessie, I never meant to raise such a self-centered child and I take some responsibility for that. But I cannot understand how someone so wise and so loving could be so inconsiderate and hurtful to another person." My mother didn't need to do the angry yelling thing. Her calm and honest words stung just as much if not more so.

"Being away from Jacob broke my heart. It hurt more than I could have ever fathomed. It hurt so much I ignored my duties to the Council, I ignored my own will to survive, nothing else mattered."

"I know the feeling. You're not the first to have thoughts like that," my father said calmly and empathetically.

I sighed loudly.

"I feel like it's not my place to ask, but I might as well, I have no shame at this point. How has he been?" I had seen Jacob in the clearing and I knew that physically and probably emotionally he was alright. When he was upset it usually manifested itself in some physical way, but he had been perfect. This made my heart sink and erupt with joy at the same time.

"He's been…okay," my mother said. That didn't give me much to go on.

"He…he hasn't been upset?"

"Not like before. He was angry, but he's been coping well."

"I see." Angry? Huh…well, that's completely justified.

My mother had her back to the window now and I knew she didn't fear upsetting me anymore. She had two kids to take care of and I was the one who needed to be chastised.

"Nessie, what are you going to do?"

I pulled my knees to my chest and waited for some stroke of inspiration to come. I hadn't thought of what I would do when I was back in Forks in the least. I hadn't thought of anything except the desire to see Jacob alive in days. I had managed to do that much.

"Nothing."

"What?" she asked quickly, the harshness returning.

"Nothing. What can I do?"

"There must be another option other than doing nothing."

"Jacob has moved on. You said it yourself, and I'm glad for it."

"I don't believe you."

"Mom, all I do is hurt him over and _over_ again! Just when I think I've reached the limit of what I can do to destroy Jacob, I manage to push it further. I don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve this."

My mother turned away and practically growled at me. My _mother_ growled at me? Was there no end to how I could hurt the ones I loved? My father broke into our fight. He spoke calmly as he tried to diffuse the argument.

"Nessie, it's not a matter of who deserves what, you are the architect of your own life. You control it."

"Dad, all the major life-altering things which have occurred in my life have never been of my own control. I did not choose to fall in love with Sasha. I didn't choose to be half-human and half-vampire. I did not choose to be imprinted on. And Jacob certainly did _not_ choose to love me. I was forced on him. We are both just pawns in some sick cosmic joke. I'm not going to hurt him anymore." I hoped my parents would be satisfied with my promise. I meant it. I vowed it. I would swear by it if they asked. Nothing would hurt Jacob again.

"You're wrong, he did choose. He did, just ask him. He didn't choose to imprint, but falling in love…those feelings were no different than if imprinting didn't exist. You chose to come out here and save Jacob. Love isn't all about fate, Nessie. There is a definite part you have to fight for. You can choose to love him and let him be a part of your life. You just have to decide."

My parents were looking regretfully into one another's eyes. They had fought a number of battles in the pursuit of their own love and happiness and they were still fighting battles. They were just unavoidable. The same was true of my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, of Alina and Rye, but there was one very important difference between them and Jacob and me. Each of them had decided to fight together.


	29. What Took You So Long

**Chapter XIV: What Took You So Long?  
**

The road to Jacob's cabin hadn't been cleared out enough for my fancy car to make it through the rough forest. I could have taken Uncle Emmett's Jeep, but I decided to walk instead. It had been two days since I had woken up and my body had returned to its normal state. I could run at the same speed as my relatives, I could project my thoughts to them when I touched them, and my heart was beating strongly and evenly – too quickly for a normal human, but at the rate we knew to be right for me. Despite my return to maximum capacity I was walking through the forest at the speed of a human on crutches. As much as I selfishly wanted to see Jacob again, I didn't know what kind of situation I would be walking into.

If you broke it down to the basics it could only go one of two ways; either we would be together or we would remain apart. I wasn't even sure what my parents wanted me to do. On one hand they agreed with Jacob and his reasoning for breaking up with me, on the other hand they expected me to somehow fix this. I had no idea how I would begin doing that. How could I explain my regret, when I didn't even expect his forgiveness? Deserve his forgiveness? I couldn't bring myself to hope because if his appearance had been any indication, he was done with me. He had protected me and refused to leave me during our fight with the Volturi, but that had been because of imprinting. I had accepted that. And I had made a promise to myself, I would never let him be hurt again and I certainly would not be the cause of his pain anymore. After what I had seen and lived through, I couldn't stand him to be in pain ever again.

I repeated my promise over and over again as I paced through the misty woods. My steps were quiet and small, but eventually they did take me to my destination. I had rush of uncomfortable déjà vu as I stood along the edge between the clearing and the woods. I had left not even knowing for certain whether or not Jacob would be here, but my instincts had been correct. He was lying down in the grass soaking up the warm sunlight. He may have even been sleeping. I walked towards him and although he didn't open his eyes I knew his breathing sounded too fast for him to be asleep. Too bad, I would have liked to be able to stare at him for a while…that sounded a lot creepier than I meant it to. As I approached him I noticed the table saw again and something I had failed to realize before had clicked into place.

"You started building the house." What a way to begin. It was a statement. I didn't even phrase it as a question even though that's how it sounded in my head. Jacob's eyes snapped open and he tilted his head back so he could see me. I was standing by his head so he was looking at me upside-down. I couldn't help smirking at him. I never felt like I was in control when it came to Jacob. Maybe that was why I spent so much time pushing him away. He stood up quickly and brushed some of the grass and saw dust from his shirt.

"Yeah…I bought it just a week ago," he said without a hello or any other type of introduction. Normally I would say it wasn't needed between the two of us, but I didn't really know what the protocol was for interactions post-break-up.

"It will really be beautiful when it's finished. I couldn't see it before, but I can now." I wasn't talking about the house. Not exclusively.

"So, how are you feeling?" he said awkwardly as he changed the subject.

I didn't like that it sounded so awkward, it made it sound less personal. Having suspicions about his indifference to me was one thing but to witness it first hand was another.

"Fine, everything's back to normal. Thanks to you."

"Hey, thank Jane, and the pack."

"I will, believe me I will."

"I was wondering something about that day, how did you know Jane intended to double-cross the Volturi? She said she didn't tell anyone."

"I had a dream about it," I said honestly. I thought it unfair to go into the details of the visions. I didn't want him to feel guilty.

"You can see the future now?"

"I hope not," I quipped back just as honestly. The last thing I needed was something to make me more of a miracle. I searched for another way to further the conversation. It felt like I had a million more things to say, but had forgotten how to talk. We had only been apart a month and it was like we had lost our connection. Jacob must have been feeling the effects of this lost connection as well as he stammered,

"So…what…what are you going to now?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't like working with the Council?"

"Um…I think the experience got a little…what's the word? Strained? It wasn't how it was supposed to be. I think I need a break at the moment."

"Right, yeah, that's totally understandable. Being under someone else's influence, that's got to be rough." He knew about the visions. I wasn't surprised. He must have been curious and asked Jane about it. This meant he knew where they had come from and why they had driven me to come back in the first place. I was afraid he might believe I came back only because Matthew put the thoughts there and not because I truly missed him. My head instantly tore through an internal dilemma trying to decide if it was selfish or unselfish to tell him the truth. My eyes must have been darting back and forth because he half-smiled and asked me a question.

"What are you thinking?"

"Do you think I'm more like my mother, or my father?

"Huh?" Was his immediate response. I didn't blame him for it; it was a random thing to say.

"What do you think?"

"Ness, I don't really want to play guessing games right now."

He called me _Ness_, oh, I missed that…it caught me off-guard for a second.

"You're right I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be obnoxious, I've just been thinking about this. I'm not my mother. Parts of my personality are like her, but I think I've truly become my father. You know how I know that?"

"How?"

"I've realized I can't be trusted to make any decisions when it comes to my personal life. My father said the same thing happened to him. He was always assuming what was best for my mother and he over-thought things and never listened to his own heart. My mother always listened to her heart and even when she told me to do the same I ignored her advice…again, like my father." Words were pouring out of me before I had the good sense to censor them. Jacob had the good sense to stop me and force me to get to the point.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying I can't give you a reason to trust me because I can't be trusted. I always make the wrong decision."

He was now the one to pause. He must have been contemplating a thought which would be horrifying to him; that he once fell for a person who was essentially Edward. He was able to collect himself quickly.

"Your decisions haven't been wrong."

"They haven't been right either. I can't seem to make you happy, I can't make myself happy. I don't think I know what I'm doing. One thing I do know, I can't go back."

"What does that mean?"

"I saw things in my mind, Jacob. Horrible, detestable, frightening things, all to do with you. I know Matthew put them there, but they didn't come from nothing, and more importantly I can't forget them. It nearly killed me to experience those thoughts. I can't go back to a life where I didn't experience them."

"Nessie, none of those things happened," he said with a groan. I knew that and I couldn't have been more pleased about it. I should have thought this out more. I wasn't explaining it very well.

"I know. And I know I can never allow any of those things to happen…ever. I can't go back, Jacob. The thought of you hurting…it's impossible. It's too much. I won't be able to survive it."

He didn't respond. He did run his hands over his face and he sighed loudly. Then I asked something which may have been completely inappropriate.

"This is what you went through when I ran away? When I was with Sasha?"

"Yes."

Then I asked something I really didn't know if I wanted the answer to.

"But not now?"

"No…"

I had to stop and take a breath in order to blink the tears out of my eyes. My emotions could not have been in a deeper state of flux. Jacob wasn't in pain; that was the most important thing. But Jacob had moved on from me…and God…that hurt. I was ready to turn and run, suddenly grateful for the amount of super-speed I had, when Jacob said something I didn't expect.

"I don't know why that is."

"What?" I could give him a hundred good reasons. I was self-centered, I was selfish, I was ungrateful, I was inconsistent, I was always sending mixed signals, I was inconsiderate, the list goes on.

"Well, I do have a theory. I realized that imprinting is an instinctive process, I always knew that but I didn't understand it. None of us could control it if we wanted to. It's completely separate from any human emotion. I realized that the way I reacted when you were with Sasha was the exact same reaction to how I felt when I knew Bella was going to marry Edward. I was upset because I lost the person I loved, it didn't matter one way or the other if I imprinted on them. When you left a month ago, I was angry and I wanted to be apart from you. At least when I knew we didn't want the same things."

We didn't want the same things? That wasn't true anymore. Did I dare to tell him that as well? The tiniest flicker of hope ignited inside me.

"You do what I need, Jacob. That's why you let me go all those times. Then when I came back I needed you to be strong for me. If you had been in pain or worse I never would have been able to handle it. I might have died from my broken heart. I never would have been strong enough to fight off Matthew as long as I did."

"I broke your heart," he said in a whisper.

"It's my fault. It was all my fault."

"Nessie, I don't want you to give up what you want. If you want to be a part of the Council then you should be doing that. I'm not going to hold you back."

"I still want those things, but they don't matter if I don't have you with me. You don't hold me back, you give me strength. Without you, I can't…" I couldn't finish the sentence because there were too many words with which to end it. Everything…he meant everything…there wasn't any way around it.

"This is all just so backwards. I imprinted on you for God's sake. How do I know that any of this is true? This is just a reaction to the images Matthew put in your head," he said harshly. It was a legitimate statement. Maybe I was just being oversensitive as a result of my mental intrusion. I couldn't see that oversensitivity ending any time soon.

"Part of the reason you loved me is because you imprinted on me. We'll never be able to escape that truth. And I'll never be able to escape that pain I experienced when I thought I lost you. It changed me." Whether he believed me or not this I knew to be true. Despite everything I lacked, all my faults, all my mistakes, all my broken promises, I knew I was different. And I knew how very, very much I loved him.

Jacob was staring at the ground and undoubtedly going over everything I had said. I let him mull it over. He could take all the time he wanted. I'd stand here until he told me to leave – quite a difference from being prepared to run away just moments ago. Finally, he was smiling. He was looking at me and smiling.

"Do you want to help me? I'm working on the framing today."

"You know how to frame a house?"

"Not really."

I laughed and he laughed with me. It had been too long since I last laughed.

"Sure." He started walking towards the house and I followed behind him a few steps. The house was truly a mess. The only part Jacob might have really known how to do well was the demo part. I was sorry to have missed out on it. I wondered how long Esme would let this go on before she sent in a professional contractor. Maybe she'd do it in the middle of the night so as not to hurt his pride too badly. He picked up some random lengths of wood and slid a hammer into the pocket of his shorts. It couldn't have been a more comforting and exciting sight.

"Jake…"

"Yeah, Ness?"

"I'm so sorry."

"I know," he said simply.

I would have to learn how to swing a hammer.


	30. Epilogue

Jacob's POV

**Epilogue:**

Esme indulged me for about four weeks until she kicked me off of my own construction site. I knew it wasn't perfect and I knew it was going to take forever were I to keep doing it myself, but I had really enjoyed the attempt. One vice the Cullens all had between them—they were really quite pushy. Although, I have to say, Esme's plans were beautiful. No shock there. She had embraced organic architecture so it would match the landscape instead of impeding it, as well as sustainability so it would be made from local materials. It would be on the smaller side, only one-and-a-half stories. She called it a sophisticated cabin. The cabin part was for me, the sophistication part was probably for Nessie.

The best part about my attempt at building the house was the time I spent with Nessie. In her years of accelerated study she knew just as much construction as I did and it was refreshing to be on the same page for once. More importantly, our relationship had somehow found itself to be on a coinciding path. It's completely counterintuitive that spending time apart would provide so much clarity and insight to our relationship, but it had worked. Not that I ever planned for it to happen that way; maybe that was why it worked. Everything was easier to talk about, especially our future together. Nessie had decided that although she wanted to be an active member of the Council, now was not the time for her to be away from home. She understood our relationship could only survive were we on a shared path which at this time meant Forks and taking care of my dad. Her place on the Council was not forfeited however. She would telecommunicate with them often so she could still participate in their affairs, but she wasn't ready to be away from…me.

I couldn't help feeling a little guilty about that, especially since it made so happy at the same time.

It was later in the evening. We were at the cabin, also referred to as "the doghouse" by Nessie's uncles. The last of the work crew had packed up and gone home. It was remarkably beautiful evening even amongst the dust and debris of construction. The moon was bright and full, the air was clean and not too humid, and it was so perfectly quiet. Even to my ears.

"So, how long until this is done?" Nessie asked me.

We were both sitting in the grass looking over the skeleton of the new and probably safer than mine had been construction.

"Well, it depends on how impatient Esme is to get it finished."

"You know, the only reason she pushed her own contractor on you is because she loves you. She just wants you to have the best."

"She wants _you _to have the best."

"I can hardly blame my grandmother for spoiling me."

"I agree."

The quiet enveloped us once again. It was surprisingly comforting. The sound of her heartbeat could have easily lulled me to sleep. I looked over at Nessie and her eyes distracted me. The moonlight reflected off them brightly and I was struck by her beauty. I was struck by her mind and her bravery, I was amazed by her love and sacrifice, and I was enraptured with how powerful my love was for her. I was suddenly overwhelmed by how very, very happy I was just to be sitting here with her.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Huh?" I had underestimated how distracted I had become as she was looking at me quizzically. "Nothing…um…"

"You don't have to tell me. I know what you were thinking about."

"You read minds now?" I said in a joking tone.

"Just one," she said with a relaxed smile. She leaned forward slightly and held my large outdoorsman hand in her pale, long-nailed, artist's hand. My breath hitched as a flurry of thoughts ran through my mind's sight. I saw myself waking up in a contemporary yet comfortable bedroom. I first stood up and stretched the kinks out of my back before moving through the household in a search for something. It wasn't in the spare bedroom on the second floor. It wasn't in the living room/kitchen on the first floor which Esme had informed me was called a great room. I could see it though a large pair of glass doors which led directly to the clearing. It was standing outside unnecessarily wrapped in a blanket watching the sun rise over the trees on another picturesque dewy morning. To my delight and little surprise, it was Nessie. Her dark curls fluttered in the wind. She turned when she knew I was staring at her. She was smiling.

I felt the small hand retreat from mine and I missed it immediately. The crispness of the thought was regretfully gone without Nessie's reinforcement. She had a strange look of anxiousness on her face. I held her gaze for only a second when she awkwardly looked down at the grass and whispered to me.

"That's what I think about all the time," she said with a small amount of embarrassment in her voice. How could she think to be embarrassed by such a perfect dream? I put my hand against her cheek and stroked it absent-mindedly with my thumb.

"I take back what I said. I think the timeline on the house might depend on how impatient _I_ am." I leaned forward to do the cliché, yet undeniable thing. I kissed her—one among many. I couldn't thank imprinting, crazy depression, psychotic vampires, and some of my very good friends, enough for helping me find this person, nowhere near perfect, but all for me.

Lots of Author's Notes: Aww, we've come to the end.

I decided to add my own Vampire/Supernatural Index; to honor all those characters who lived and died for the sake of the plotline. Some of the names you may not recognize because the character went nameless in the story. They always had names, but for clarity and pacing's sake they weren't always revealed.

I'm sorry to say, but I really think this is the end of the series. I never set out to write a series in the first place, but I really enjoyed it and especially enjoyed any and all responses from the readers. I am always open to your thoughts, compliments, and criticisms. Please, recommend these stories to anyone looking to fill a _Twilight_ hole! (That's what she said!) **(An edit to this note, I lied. I started another installment of this series. I can't seem to let it end. Please add me or this story to your alerts for updates!)**

And a very special thanks to TwilightFan2555, Fonzie'sGirl, Dilidilzz86, dracodarling, Avada Cantare, Nic0408, ghettoguy, fuglydmv, & triviumboy for writing reviews. It really makes my day to read them. You guys made this my most reviewed story! More thanks to Sage, Angeljo, raybanlover, angie, Jezzabelle1989, Davii-Hime, aschim, kat 3, kimmie-b, & TamTam43 for writing reviews!

Also, I think I've come up with a name for the series, only because it was my most used phrase throughout the stories. _Damn Imprinting: A Nessie Cullen Series_. I like it! It was either that or, _Plot-hole: A Nessie Cullen Series_.

Finally, as promised here are some answers to common questions/comments which have come up since beginning the series. And just to be clear, when I write "my Nessie" it's not because she's literally mine, but my characterization of Nessie.

**You made me hate Nessie!**

I never intended to make Nessie such a dislikable character. The thing is, in several stories I have read Nessie is portrayed as being a perfect daughter, girlfriend, etc. Why should she be perfect? Edward isn't perfect. Neither is Bella. And most importantly, she's human! Humans are definitely not perfect. Besides, it's the flaws that make a person interesting. Maybe I made Nessie too flawed because a lot of readers ended up really disliking my version of Nessie, but I enjoyed making her confused and I felt such a characterization was possible given the very extraordinary world she lives in and the great amount of expectations put upon her. For those of you who argue Nessie should be more mature because of her intelligence, I would argue that book smarts do not equal emotional maturity. You can have all the understanding about love, pain, loss, etc., but until you experience such situations you'll never have true wisdom about them. Nessie's initial understanding only caused her to over-think (similarly to our dear Edward). Not to mention the environment my Nessie grew up in didn't help anything; she was sheltered and a little spoiled, (how could having someone obey your every whim not make you spoiled?), but her heart was generally in the right place and she always felt remorseful when she hurt people. I'm not demanding you forgive my Nessie for all her mistakes, instead, appreciate the fact that she made some and she learned from them. I wanted Nessie to have to own world, her own friends, and her own mistakes.

**Your portrayal of imprinting does not correspond with the book!**

Hold on, this has a long explanation. I'll give you that one, I do take some artistic license when it comes to imprinting; possibly because I never liked the concept much in the first place. I dislike the idea of losing one's free will. However, I hope throughout all the four stories I have taken the philosophy of imprinting to its most logical conclusion. Stephenie Meyer really only gives us two pieces of information about imprinting: the imprintee becomes the wolf's gravity, and the wolf provides whatever the imprintee needs. In my mind that is open to a great deal of speculation and interpretation. The word "need" is especially subjective. In my series, the end actually explains the beginning. Jacob discovers in _Mess _that imprinting is an instinctual and animalistic force. No one has any control over it. This is why he is able to let Nessie leave him several times; it is what she needed of him. His reaction to her leaving has nothing to do with the imprint and everything to do with the fact that he's in love with her. This is why his violent reaction to Nessie's rejection in _Sasha _is nearly identical to his reaction to Bella's rejection in _Eclipse_. In _Mess_, Jacob's heart does break when he loses Nessie, but he realizes they are not on the same path as a couple and when you want different things it rarely works out. The imprint is actually a very unromantic aspect of their relationship and is by no means a good place to start one off. I offer the Sam/Emily/Leah triangle as an example. In the end, I was very pleased Nessie and Jacob realized their love for one another was more than just imprint-deep. And if you're wondering, no, I did not plan all this out at the beginning of the series. I was figuring things out as I went, just like the characters.

**Why do you hate Nessie and Jacob?**

This may have been a rhetorical question, but I can understand why it was asked and it really made me laugh. I did put them through quite a bit of pain. I don't hate Jacob or Nessie (although I do firmly believe she's a plot-hole). I just think the premise of imprinting has the potential of becoming very complicated.

My Nessie's greatest character flaw is her emotional immaturity and the only way to fix the flaw was to put her through some emotionally trying experiences. I think to expect Nessie to fall in love with Jake by age seven is unfair to her. My Nessie grew up with the expectation that she and Jacob would be together; that's a lot of pressure for a young girl and when she recognizes she's not in love with him at first, she basically freaks out. Her relationship with Sasha had no expectations or obligations and was a freeing experience for her. Although the relationship ended tragically, it prepared her for what might come next. It's much easier to recognize being in love when you've been in love before. Throughout the following stories, Nessie really struggled with what kind of future she might have with Jacob. There is a big age gap between them and they unfortunately found themselves in different places. While Jacob was ready to settle down, Nessie hadn't had a chance to live her own life yet. I wanted to give Nessie that chance so when she came to a decision it would truly be _her_ decision.

Jacob, I hate to say, got the worst of the experience really, but he had some things to understand himself. In the beginning, Jacob lives under the impression that because he imprinted on Nessie, they would be together. It's such a simplistic way of thinking and in this case, inaccurate. A healthy relationship requires so much more that. In the end, he is able to appreciate the difference between this love for Nessie and his imprint on her and how it serves to deepen their connection, but does not define it. He also had to struggle with the prospects of their future together as he had responsibilities to his family and to his pack that Nessie did not. I also did not want Jacob to feel trapped by his capacity to imprint as he feared in Meyer's original story. In order to do this he of course had to break things off until he was certain they could have love and a life together. He deserved to have a choice as well.

In the end, I'm glad to say they chose ("chose" being the operative word) to continue their lives as partners. Bella and Edward's story is about embracing a love bigger than yourself and making that love the focus for their lives. Nessie's story is about embracing the same kind of love, but also the complications which occur when love isn't the only thing you want. Neither one is wrong or right, but inevitably something will be sacrificed.

If there are any lingering questions/comments/disagreements, feel free to message me or write a review. Thanks so much for reading!


	31. Vampire Supernatural Index

**Vampire/Supernatural Index:**

**Vampires:**

_Ántonia Stoichita (Absorb other Vampire Abilities)_

_Sasha Dimir (Forget Memories)_

Henry Rye (Speed & Alluring Scent)

Alina Petrescu-Rye (Vampire GPS) **C**

_Peyton McLean (Leadership) _**C**

Tani (Compassion) **C**

Natalie **C**

Cristian **C**

Madeline (Absolute Loyalty)

_Luca (Intensify other Vampire Abilities)_

_Sarah Smith (Strength)_

_Noah Smith (Drain)_

_Matthew Smith (Thought Distortion)_

**Gypsies:**

_Alina Petrescu-Rye (Recognize Vampires) __**C**_

Lucia Petrescu (Hearing)

Teo Petrescu (Telekinesis)

Daniel Petrescu (Clairvoyance)

Emil Petrescu (Read and Retain Information)

Petrescu Parents

_Nicolae Vadim (Persuasion)_

**Merpeople**:

Kwame **C**

Nia

Seif

**Werewolves:**

Marthe **C**

Jens

**Humans:**

Allison (Volturi Receptionist)

**C** = Council Member

_Italics_ = Dead

( ) = Ability


	32. Sequel: Black

Hello all! I have another sequel for you! The fifth installment of the _Damn Imprinting_ series is currently being posted. It is entitled, _Black_.

Here's the summary:

Nearly twenty years after Nessie's birth, the supernatural world has changed drastically. Finally convinced of their commitment to one another, Nessie and Jacob find their pasts may still severely affect their future.

Thanks for reading!


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